Still Hanging on
Just wanted to say to all that I am still here...Have been sick with the flu and sleeping a lot.
As for going out of the house I have not let the weather sway me as I thought I would. I did go to my husband's parents house for Easter dinner. It was tough on me, to leave the house, and I waited until the last hour to get ready. It wasn't as bad as when I have to go to the grocery store or out to pay a bill because I knew where I was going and I knew the people there loved me.
And Kevin had warned his Mom,as I asked, that I may not show. So when I got there she was absolutely shocked and thrilled to see me. That felt great. I have always loved and adored Kevin's parents. They are very understanding, giving and patient people.
So, tomorrow, or later today rather, I have jury duty. I want to tell you that I seriously always wanted to do my part and be a juror. Seriously, as I got to the age where I could be chosen I welcomed the postcard telling me that I had to appear. Still, every time I got it (and it was every 4 years or whatever amount of time that they are required to wait before calling a citizen again) I would be told the night before that I didn't need to appear or be sent home after hours of waiting at the courthouse. I have never seen the inside of a court or jury room as a juror. Last time I had to go I was invited to the court where they try adolescents. Never made it past the room where you wait for your number to be called....
About 6 months ago the postcard came. The date they had set aside for me was February 10th...That was going to be the first anniversary of my Mother's passing. There was no way I could see myself coping with court while dealing with this day. I called the number and asked for my one-time delay. I was allowed to pick a date when I would like to be on a jury. I chose March. Little did I know that I would be in the middle of what feels like the time of my life where I have little or no control over myself. It's one thing to plan a shopping trip or a dinner at a loved one's house but the idea of jury duty, a 8-hour day that can stretch out into weeks along with all the trappings of getting there like driving, parking, making sure I don't bring anything not allowed(like I-pods, cell phones) and making sure I DO bring a book or something to pass the time...All of these things were making me nauseous and sweaty a week before.
Long story short I e-mailed my doctor and asked him if there was anyway he could help me out. He e-mailed me back promptly that there was a note excusing me from Jury Duty at his front desk. Kevin picked it up and the jury duty people send to simply send it in and Phew...close one.
This shows me though that life isn't usually this easy. There IS going to come a time when I am going to have to fight through this awful feeling that causes me panic attacks to live. Maybe an emergency room visit or the school needing me...Maybe a relative will need me to meet them or someone, a stranger, will just stop me and ask me something that might make me uncomfortable. I used to deal with all of these things with no second thought. Its time to take back control. Tomorrow I will start by forcing myself to go outside and go for a walk. Then over the next few days I will plan a trip to the grocery store. Many doctors advise that the only way to see yourself through something that you are frightened of is to meet it head on. I am getting nervous just thinking about it but its time to stop being sick and start living.
I will let you know how it goes. Wish me luck!!
Stacy J. Roosa
As for going out of the house I have not let the weather sway me as I thought I would. I did go to my husband's parents house for Easter dinner. It was tough on me, to leave the house, and I waited until the last hour to get ready. It wasn't as bad as when I have to go to the grocery store or out to pay a bill because I knew where I was going and I knew the people there loved me.
And Kevin had warned his Mom,as I asked, that I may not show. So when I got there she was absolutely shocked and thrilled to see me. That felt great. I have always loved and adored Kevin's parents. They are very understanding, giving and patient people.
So, tomorrow, or later today rather, I have jury duty. I want to tell you that I seriously always wanted to do my part and be a juror. Seriously, as I got to the age where I could be chosen I welcomed the postcard telling me that I had to appear. Still, every time I got it (and it was every 4 years or whatever amount of time that they are required to wait before calling a citizen again) I would be told the night before that I didn't need to appear or be sent home after hours of waiting at the courthouse. I have never seen the inside of a court or jury room as a juror. Last time I had to go I was invited to the court where they try adolescents. Never made it past the room where you wait for your number to be called....
About 6 months ago the postcard came. The date they had set aside for me was February 10th...That was going to be the first anniversary of my Mother's passing. There was no way I could see myself coping with court while dealing with this day. I called the number and asked for my one-time delay. I was allowed to pick a date when I would like to be on a jury. I chose March. Little did I know that I would be in the middle of what feels like the time of my life where I have little or no control over myself. It's one thing to plan a shopping trip or a dinner at a loved one's house but the idea of jury duty, a 8-hour day that can stretch out into weeks along with all the trappings of getting there like driving, parking, making sure I don't bring anything not allowed(like I-pods, cell phones) and making sure I DO bring a book or something to pass the time...All of these things were making me nauseous and sweaty a week before.
Long story short I e-mailed my doctor and asked him if there was anyway he could help me out. He e-mailed me back promptly that there was a note excusing me from Jury Duty at his front desk. Kevin picked it up and the jury duty people send to simply send it in and Phew...close one.
This shows me though that life isn't usually this easy. There IS going to come a time when I am going to have to fight through this awful feeling that causes me panic attacks to live. Maybe an emergency room visit or the school needing me...Maybe a relative will need me to meet them or someone, a stranger, will just stop me and ask me something that might make me uncomfortable. I used to deal with all of these things with no second thought. Its time to take back control. Tomorrow I will start by forcing myself to go outside and go for a walk. Then over the next few days I will plan a trip to the grocery store. Many doctors advise that the only way to see yourself through something that you are frightened of is to meet it head on. I am getting nervous just thinking about it but its time to stop being sick and start living.
I will let you know how it goes. Wish me luck!!
Stacy J. Roosa
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