Getting Up and Getting Out...GET READY!!!
If anyone ever notices, I tend to write at night...I tend to do anything of any value or use of creativity at night because that is when my Muse awakens.I am finally feeling better except for having no hearing in my right ear and tooth causing me pain straight up towards my eye, but that will pass I am sure.
The weather has been inconsisitent except that the sun is shining. I have planned to change my heavy winter curtains to my cranberry colored sheers tomorrow. It will bring the sun in, which at times I hate...I find I keep the heavy curtains closed because the second I pull them open there is an intensity from the sun's shining that means I have to deal with seeing all the flaws. Dust, cat hair, finger smudges on the glass...I am a neat freak and it drives my family and I crazy.
So, tomorrow I will put up the curtains and wash and put away winter. I will shower, dress, put some makeup on my swollen face (thanks to the damn tooth) and go out. Yes, I said it, I will GO OUT. Not just outside, although I want to do that too, but perhaps go to the store to get a few things. We have been so careful with our finances since I am not working and things transpired with my father causing me to spend money on the upkeep of his house, that I have hardly had anything in the way of candles or my favorite things, cleaning supplies. The house is so stagnate from the ~L~O~N~G~ winter that I want to open all the windows daily and clean and freshen everything.
So, I am really going to try to get up, get the kids off to school and go out. I want a bit of fruit, cheese and crackers and a bag of tea lites so I can warm the yummy candle tarts I have, My favorite scents range anywhere from strawberry to Lavender-lemon. My favorite day would include cleaning the entire house, organizing it while listening to any new Top 100 radio music and smelling the aroma of candles burning from every corner of the house. The problem is that I have had no energy, my back has been in a spasming war and the pesky flu. Something has to give and quick!!
The kids have kept me busy though...Homework assignments, birthday plans, visiting friends, wanting friends to visit here and on and on. My 12 yr old son is now into air soft guns, the new generation of a pellet gun. I had some real problems with the whole thing. The idea of him running around with a gun (that tends to look real except for the orange end) and shooting plastic balls at things....UGHHHHHHHHHH....but he won(after we bought him goggles, made him aware of the many rules and make him wear other protective clothing). As a parent you hope that your children's interest will stay safely in the world of Harry Potter and Thomas the Tank Engine but alas it doesn't. They make friends, their friends like something so therefore your kid follows suit and likes it too....His birthday is may 28th. He wants ALL air soft guns and supplies. I really hope he grows out of it soon. He told me the other day that he wants to join the army. I think I have a lifetime of worry ahead of me no matter what.
My daughter is just as happy with the company of her cats, the x-box(which is a war between her and my son) and her friends. I see them growing so fast before me and realize, sadly, that I am wasting such precious time that I could be spending with them in the park, on a bike trail, in a forest scavenging for whatever. Its sad to think that they are so used to my illness that they don't even ask anymore if we can go somewhere.
I plan to change that and FAST. They need me to be better, they need me to be happy, healthy and to promote all of this for and in them. I don't want them to say someday, "I don't remember anything about Mom except that she was sad and never left the house." Its for them that I blog, to get all this out and hopefully, fill the place I have emptied with hope. I need to live and love. I need to laugh,
Part of my problem is that I put it on my overworked husband to not only fill in for me by shopping and running errands that I would usually do, but to coax me into leaving the house to do things. On Easter he was ready to leave without me to spite how much he wanted me to go. I did go. One day last week after telling me that he understood why I didn't want to go anywhere with my mouth aching and my face swollen, he called me and told me he needed me to meet him down the street with his boots. He was driving the semi-truck to the "port" and had to have regulation boots but could not drive up our hill because no trucks of that size are allowed to come up here...I wanted to choke him. In one breath he is telling me that he understands then in the next he is begging me to get dressed,find his boots, get into the car, drive and then, ofcourse,the gas tank was on empty so I had to fill the tank too. I did it because he needed me to. My heart was pumping fast, I was sweating and then I was handing him the shoes and actually enjoying being out of here.I almost stayed out but I had no make up on...Yes, I know, that is sad but Mom never left the house without her make-up so she passed that rule onto me.
The first step, the getting ready to leave, is the hardest and then its the actually walking out. Somewhere back in the mix its rationalizing whether I really need to go out or can it wait....Actually, I take all that back. The first and hardest step is deciding to go out....Yes, coming up with the idea/problem/need to go somewhere and then having time to make all sorts of reasons and excuses for why it can wait, why I can put it off, why I don't need to do it now. My mind has always had that little bit of a hiccup. The difference now? I am letting the 2ND step scare me-The getting ready...Showering, make up, what to wear, will I see someone I know, will the car need gas, will I need to spend money, where will I park...It goes on and on. WHen I get a last minute call requiring me to leave like I did that day when my husband needed his boots, I have no time to make excuses or to reason Why I shouldn't do it.
I guess the trick is to try not to let myself think about it. Sure, I need to take it all one step at a time but maybe....WAIT~~~!!!MAYBE I should do this!!!! Ok, listen, wow, maybe I figured it out...Every single day I should get up, take a shower, get dressed and get ready NO MATTER WHAT, whether I have plans or not. That way when I get the fleeting thought that I want to go somewhere I am already ready. Wow, why didn't I think of that sooooooner???? If only my mind thought of such simplistic things....
Tomorrow, I am gonna try this out...I am not making any plans EXCEPT to get ready and see if that takes me to the next step. I guess its the getting ready that is the true anxiety, maybe the leaving too but the getting ready seems to be where it all starts!
Tomorrow I will see if this works. Wish me luck. Here goes Something~!!
Stacy J. Roosa
The weather has been inconsisitent except that the sun is shining. I have planned to change my heavy winter curtains to my cranberry colored sheers tomorrow. It will bring the sun in, which at times I hate...I find I keep the heavy curtains closed because the second I pull them open there is an intensity from the sun's shining that means I have to deal with seeing all the flaws. Dust, cat hair, finger smudges on the glass...I am a neat freak and it drives my family and I crazy.
So, tomorrow I will put up the curtains and wash and put away winter. I will shower, dress, put some makeup on my swollen face (thanks to the damn tooth) and go out. Yes, I said it, I will GO OUT. Not just outside, although I want to do that too, but perhaps go to the store to get a few things. We have been so careful with our finances since I am not working and things transpired with my father causing me to spend money on the upkeep of his house, that I have hardly had anything in the way of candles or my favorite things, cleaning supplies. The house is so stagnate from the ~L~O~N~G~ winter that I want to open all the windows daily and clean and freshen everything.
So, I am really going to try to get up, get the kids off to school and go out. I want a bit of fruit, cheese and crackers and a bag of tea lites so I can warm the yummy candle tarts I have, My favorite scents range anywhere from strawberry to Lavender-lemon. My favorite day would include cleaning the entire house, organizing it while listening to any new Top 100 radio music and smelling the aroma of candles burning from every corner of the house. The problem is that I have had no energy, my back has been in a spasming war and the pesky flu. Something has to give and quick!!
The kids have kept me busy though...Homework assignments, birthday plans, visiting friends, wanting friends to visit here and on and on. My 12 yr old son is now into air soft guns, the new generation of a pellet gun. I had some real problems with the whole thing. The idea of him running around with a gun (that tends to look real except for the orange end) and shooting plastic balls at things....UGHHHHHHHHHH....but he won(after we bought him goggles, made him aware of the many rules and make him wear other protective clothing). As a parent you hope that your children's interest will stay safely in the world of Harry Potter and Thomas the Tank Engine but alas it doesn't. They make friends, their friends like something so therefore your kid follows suit and likes it too....His birthday is may 28th. He wants ALL air soft guns and supplies. I really hope he grows out of it soon. He told me the other day that he wants to join the army. I think I have a lifetime of worry ahead of me no matter what.
My daughter is just as happy with the company of her cats, the x-box(which is a war between her and my son) and her friends. I see them growing so fast before me and realize, sadly, that I am wasting such precious time that I could be spending with them in the park, on a bike trail, in a forest scavenging for whatever. Its sad to think that they are so used to my illness that they don't even ask anymore if we can go somewhere.
I plan to change that and FAST. They need me to be better, they need me to be happy, healthy and to promote all of this for and in them. I don't want them to say someday, "I don't remember anything about Mom except that she was sad and never left the house." Its for them that I blog, to get all this out and hopefully, fill the place I have emptied with hope. I need to live and love. I need to laugh,
Part of my problem is that I put it on my overworked husband to not only fill in for me by shopping and running errands that I would usually do, but to coax me into leaving the house to do things. On Easter he was ready to leave without me to spite how much he wanted me to go. I did go. One day last week after telling me that he understood why I didn't want to go anywhere with my mouth aching and my face swollen, he called me and told me he needed me to meet him down the street with his boots. He was driving the semi-truck to the "port" and had to have regulation boots but could not drive up our hill because no trucks of that size are allowed to come up here...I wanted to choke him. In one breath he is telling me that he understands then in the next he is begging me to get dressed,find his boots, get into the car, drive and then, ofcourse,the gas tank was on empty so I had to fill the tank too. I did it because he needed me to. My heart was pumping fast, I was sweating and then I was handing him the shoes and actually enjoying being out of here.I almost stayed out but I had no make up on...Yes, I know, that is sad but Mom never left the house without her make-up so she passed that rule onto me.
The first step, the getting ready to leave, is the hardest and then its the actually walking out. Somewhere back in the mix its rationalizing whether I really need to go out or can it wait....Actually, I take all that back. The first and hardest step is deciding to go out....Yes, coming up with the idea/problem/need to go somewhere and then having time to make all sorts of reasons and excuses for why it can wait, why I can put it off, why I don't need to do it now. My mind has always had that little bit of a hiccup. The difference now? I am letting the 2ND step scare me-The getting ready...Showering, make up, what to wear, will I see someone I know, will the car need gas, will I need to spend money, where will I park...It goes on and on. WHen I get a last minute call requiring me to leave like I did that day when my husband needed his boots, I have no time to make excuses or to reason Why I shouldn't do it.
I guess the trick is to try not to let myself think about it. Sure, I need to take it all one step at a time but maybe....WAIT~~~!!!MAYBE I should do this!!!! Ok, listen, wow, maybe I figured it out...Every single day I should get up, take a shower, get dressed and get ready NO MATTER WHAT, whether I have plans or not. That way when I get the fleeting thought that I want to go somewhere I am already ready. Wow, why didn't I think of that sooooooner???? If only my mind thought of such simplistic things....
Tomorrow, I am gonna try this out...I am not making any plans EXCEPT to get ready and see if that takes me to the next step. I guess its the getting ready that is the true anxiety, maybe the leaving too but the getting ready seems to be where it all starts!
Tomorrow I will see if this works. Wish me luck. Here goes Something~!!
Stacy J. Roosa
Well my love...I have a few things to add as a friend...<3
ReplyDelete1) Do not TRY...DO !!! Get dressed 1st.:)
2) When your children go go bed at night, once they are all snuggles in(son's age aside) just ask him to humour you...give them a moment to settle, then go in quietly as this time is precious, and kiss them gently near the ear and whispers..."kisses for happy dreams". Then leave quietly, so they learn to understand you are respecting their slumber...it should be their happy place:) <3
3)This is also very important...I want you to sit quietly somewhere and think about how you believe Miracles Work~~~ if you believe they work because of Belief without Doubt, then you are ready to begin. When ready, pray...letting your Holy Creator know that you know and believe :without doubt" that He can heal you, and you, through Faith can Heal your-self. tell Him you need to be well for your children, your husband, your life!!! I want you to be totally relaxed while doing this. Take your hand and hold your face and your ear where the pain is. Keep it there while you BELIEVE that it will happen. remember...there is no room for doubt!!! Stay there and concentrate on the prayer, allow the Healing to take place~~~you will soon feel a radiating heat eminate around the painful areas...stay in Belief and let it happen. Then remember after to give thanks for your Healing. Do not worry if at first it doesn't happen...you may be carrying residual doubt...do it again to-morrow if need be and the day after that and so on...if you have no doubts...you will experience freedom from the pain immediately. Blessings and healing energies are coming from me to you as well. <3
4) I would like your mailing address...I have something to send to you so perhaps you could send it to my in-box and I will get it out in the afternoon mail. Don't forget the zip code!!!
I love you sweetheart <3