~Only Words To You, Everything In Me~



Ripped up paper laying about the table.
The wind breathes through the window,
teases and scatters the paper...
A mess to you, garbage. 
Gather it up and throw it away.

I bled out my every emotion for you on that paper.
I captured my love, my entire heart,
and bled it so carefully,
thoughtfully, from my pen.
I spent hours
curving long my love,
line by
line...
My emotions so strong 
and deep as the core of my soul.
I wrote every word,
latched every thought,
my own veins running thick 
with my yearning for you.
Will you read?
Will you ever really
(truly)
see me,feel me?
Read me aloud,
taste me on your lips,
feel what I feel like
in your mouth.
Am I sour, Sweet?
Feel me dripping
and moving inside...

Just words to you, a thought, perhaps
that got away from me
and made a life of its own...

Yet simply everything inside of me
torn out
and plastered on a piece of paper
for you
about you.
How easy
for your eyes to drink it,
for your hands to crumple up
or shred
till there is no proof left~
Except for me..
it was agony,
pure terror on my soul
to dig in deep and dissect
the love
from the pain
from the doubt 
from the joy
and try as I might,
fight as I do,
its a puzzle I can't make sense of.

How can I all at once feel love flooding over me
while anger chews at me with vicious teeth?
And, damn it, how many times did I profess my love
for you
...and all you heard was the doubt
that my Love's extremities sank into?

How many times did I give to you
paper after paper
heavy with my emotions
just to have your eyes skim it 
and toss in the the garbage pail?
Such a mess on here,
a great rambling...

That is my love that only you can make sense of,
only you can put in order
with a smile, 
an "I love you too"
but I suspect
that the emotions inside you
are worse,
crazy, scared....
Hiding just to save you from 
something real.
I am, was, ....is something so real,
right for your lips and
perfectly shaped for your arms.
I am for you the other piece of
your heart,
the match to your soul...
But as long as you don't believe in love,
for as long as you don't believe in me,
I am never going to persuade you
to let me inside,
to ever let me love you...
I take the paper,
tear it up into a million
pieces of my heart, 
demolish and maim the words
before you can...
Both of us fighting,
me for you,
you for peace of your heart...
Who wins?
Neither does...



~Stacy J. Roosa
April 21, 2010

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