~In The Absense Of Love There Was You~

I

Was a leaf on a tree

hardly holding onto its branch.

You
were the wind that tiptoed in,

that snuck up behind me

and caressed me with your warmth

and your hope.

You flirted with me,
you gave my dry and torn body

something to touch

and to feel

other than the winter that stuck and froze me...

You started gently~
slowly and rhythmically moving me

then over time your movements
became stronger and more fluid-like.

You danced me, twirled me,
pulled me with your flirting

till my stem snapped from the branch.

A branch that once loved and adored me,
swayed and supported me

but that for so many years

had only held on for the sake

of its own nutrition...

This dried and crunchy leaf  was

caught suddenly in your breath,
ensnared in your onward movement.

I went with you.

Once
you picked me from my safe yet chilly tree

you started to swirl me in your unseen yet strong arms.

You danced me all over,
up, down, left and right
and deeply into loving you.

You swayed me where I once was still

and in that motion I felt love,
Loved, and lost all at once.

Long and far 
from home
yet miles-long in love...

Still with such hope I let you take me 
wherever you would go.

Wherever your body ran and raced through time
and the world,
I was on your arm
ready to stay with you forever.

You took me on and in your full embrace.

You would Swing me forward 

and pull me back...

You would swing  me in circles

then lift me up high.
We were, I felt, in a gorgeous dance of love.

And when I would get ahead of myself,
ahead of you, 
and it was the corner of the world
that ensnared me,
the doubt that hung me low and heavy,

you would dive and pull me free.

I felt love for you from the very tip of my stem
to the edges of my supple and softening leaves.

I wore the joy on my face in such magnificent colors,

~vivid~

like a smile that wouldn't break.

I was yours to sway, yours to pick up,

to bring me wherever love for you moved.

And yours to let down too...

I was giving into you, gave into you, 
like these many victims

of the wind.

Yet I wore trust in my heart~

I let go of everything,

would go anywhere,

let you take  me...never wondered where...

You were the wind though 

with no place to go,

no direction in your heart.

You whipped and whirled free,

wanting no responsibility for me, for any being...

Somewhere in your whirlwind you caught hold of  me,

perhaps loved my colors, wanted to feel my need for you

but wouldn't give into love or to the influence,
the weight of what love meant...

You took me in your chase 
without possibly meaning to.
I tailed you when you would become unsure....Waiting,
praying, hoping you would need me, Love me, too.

Was it funny to you, was it comical

to see where you could lead me?

Did the chase that I gave you

and the way I gave into your influence 
and fierce race

give you something, someone to laugh at?
Did I make you feel strong?
Did loving you make you want to take on the world
but leave you wanting more
than what I could give you?

Trusting you, letting go to you,

letting what I thought was a rush of love
 from you...

I falsely believed your interest too was love

and I let you bring me to places far 
out of my own sight

and left reality behind on that tree.
Left that strong and steady tree far from where I would ever
truly know how to return...

Time can't keep secrets, it doesn't tell  lies.

It gives up every man's secret somewhere

someday.

I learned your secret finally

as I was locked in your arms and feeling
suddenly all at once
 alone

with you...

I found the reality flash in your eyes~

~Eyes that I realize now that I hardly got to see...
That You wouldn't allow me to see~

The truth was as still and as sharp

as the branch you stole me from....

I saw there finally that love for me 
never whirled in you...
That your carrying me along was for your own amusement,
for your own pleasure 
and feeling of being loved...

All at once you slowed your speed,
stopped your chase.
You let me fall.

Let me slowly whirl to the hard, cold ground below

so far from home

and that tree 

I left behind for you.

A tree that now I realized had more love
for me
in its branch
than you in would have in your whole body...
 I would be lucky if  that tree ever wanted 
to hold me again.

You left me in a pile of other leaves.
I believed, I waited,
ready for you to miss me and want me
and come back and rescue me.
Yet once again, Time could not lie
and you are nowhere,
not even a breeze in the air...
It is as still and as silent as before you
selfishly
blew into my life.

I find myself on the wings of hope,
looking to go back,
to find the one thing that truly loved me..

The tree that, while it didn't romance and dance me,
also didn't lie to and hide from me

or leave me behind all alone....

I know deep down in my heart that its what I deserved...
~Your hurting me~

its what happens when a leaf lets a gust of wind dance her 

away from reality~

And I know this wind will never again visit me...

He is not as brave as he seemed.

He was never chasing love and life as I thought...

he was running from it!

~Stacy J. Roosa

4/14/2010

10:50pm