Taking A Joke
Its come to my attention that life is a joke....Or, at least, it should be taken as one. I am a perfectionist. I worry about things I cannot control and I worry about worrying. If there is something going on, be it a meeting for the kids, a doctors appointment next week or a bill due, I am going to put all my thought energy into thinking, rethinking and overthinking a possible negative outcome. Lately its gotten so bad that I cannot sleep, eat anything more than a snack or enjoy my life when it is going well. So worried about what might happen, I can't relish the moments that aren't going badly.
So I decided last night that enough is enough! I am going to stop letting the "what if" scenarios of my days halt my life. There will be a tomorrow, the day will come and go and maybe come again and there may be really bad days in my future but I certainly cannot make them disappear or go smoother by stressing out about them all the moments and days before and until they come. If I am always worrying about what may happen I will be too busy stressing and too sick from the affects of that stress to enjoy the moments that are good.
That was when I realized that I need to find a way to find humor in the crap of life. We all have the crap....Some of us just can't figure out how to get around it without stepping straight into it. People like me. Sure, it won't be simple~~ I am going to have to retrain my brain to go to a positive place instead of a negative one, and there are going to be times when I fail miserably, but if I start to force myself to outscream the negative voices with more positive ones while making light of the stupid blunders I am bound to make (or life is bound to give me), I will be a happier person. (And if that doesn't work there is always electo-therapy).
As I went to bed last night I knew that when I woke up I would be tired, moody and the not-so-morning-person that I am would kick the trying-to-be-positive person right in the ass. If I thought writing myself a note and sticking it to my forehead would remind me about my quest I would have done it but I trusted my memory and my alarm clock. So, sure enough this morning I woke up with that decision tightly wedged in my head.
My cell phone alarm never went off. I found it under my bed...Go figure. But I was relieved to spite all that that I did wake up to spite the 2 hours of sleep. Then I realized, "Wow! Its so bright out for 5 am!" That was when I realized, "Hey dummy, its not 5, its 7am!" Great start to my new day....Since we usually get up at 5 and are out the door at 6:30 to pick up my daughter at her father's house to be at the bus stop for 7, I was most definitely late!
There I was hopping around trying to get my leg into my pants while trying to text my daughters father (Kevin) and get across the hall to my son's room to wake him. Then I find that my cell phone battery is dying. When it beeps to remind me that "Hey stupid you forgot to charge your phone" it automatically locks the keys.... E~V~E~R~Y S~I~N~G~L~E time Which is every minute...SO here I am trying to text between warning beeps and lock outs, knocking on my son's door to find him half awake and as confused as I was 2 minutes before, and trying to figure out how I am going to get 2 kids to a bus stop--any bus stop--so I won't have to drive them the 40 minutes into school half asleep! Finally I give up on texting and actually call my ex...Yeah, I know...It took me long enough. Not to mention the home phone was nice and charged sitting in 3 different rooms just waiting for me to use them but could I remember that? Of course not! Finally Kevin answers the phone and I explain to him that I am running late,that he will need to drive our daughter the 5 minutes to the next town to catch a bus because by the time I go get her and then double back to go to where the bus stop is she will be even more late...Better one kid get there on time if they both couldn't. At the same time I am still trying to dress, coax my son out of his sleepy stupor and find the car starter to start the car(which I can see is frozen with a nice thick sheet of ice.) Kevin of course isn't any help. He explains to me that he is supposed to be leaving for work...in the other direction..(This job which he just said yesterday he didnt have any hours scheduled....) By the way, PLEASE don't ask why I am picking my daughter up every morning and dropping her off everyday to and from my ex's house...I know, if he wants to have her during the week he should at least be responsible for the driving but he blames me for our pending divorce, the fact that my kids go to a school a half hour away and the state of the world so if I dont bring her then he starts threatening to take her out of that school where she has gone for over 6 years to stick her in a school more convenient for him.... Its a ridiculous fight since he agreed with me while we were married for years that the school where they go is the best for them. He made the decision with me to use "school choice" but magically now that we are separated I am suddenly being selfish wanting the kids to remain with their classmates. He would rather rip them out of the place they know and away from the friends they have and make yet one more thing in their life uncontrollable cause as we all know, divorce is soooo easy for kids to deal with...Yeah, ok. I am selfish???? Back to the story
As always, Kevin says no, he can't drive her to any bus stop because he is suppose to be at work already and he's on his way out the door as we speak. So I argue that if he's on his way out the door anyway, what would 5 minutes cost him? He then proceeds to tell me "I can't leave yet anyway cause my truck is frozen solid." So, let me get this straight....You are already leaving...that is why you can't bring her but then you aren't leaving yet cause your truck is frozen...Which excuse is it? DUH.....So I say a not-too-nice four letter word along with a sweet "Thanks for nothing as usual" and hang up on him. If it had been a real wall phone I am sure I would have slammed it hard enough to make my point but alas its a stupid cell phone with a whiny little 'beep' when I hang it up as hard as my finger will let me. So far I am not seeing anything amusing about my day.OK...I tell myself..."Get the boy in the car, pick up the girl and drive em to school. Coffee will have to wait." As I go running down the stairs my cell phone beeps. Its kevin texting me that he's bringing our daughter to a bus stop. What a saint! That ice must be magic cause he's already leaving as I am chipping away at my windshield.
Halfway to the next town where I hope to find a straggling bus maybe at the market or at the bottom of the street where I used to live, my phone starts ringing again. Its Kevin telling me to text our bus driver (the lady is so sweet and must know how out in left field I can be that she gave me her number in case I need to let her know I am running late. Well this is not late...This is WAY late.) Still, it makes sense. Maybe she hasn't gone by the market yet and can meet us there! WOW, I think, Kevin is helpful sometimes! So, I have my son try to text her. In the mean time the phone has beeped several times reminding me that the battery is dying. My son has to unlock the buttons several times before finally typing the message to her. But in the mean time Kevin keeps texting me asking me if I am going to text the bus driver and wondering what I am going to do because if there is no bus he isn't going to drive her "all the way" to school...(God Forbid) I tell my son to ignore his Father and text the bus driver. She comes back pretty quickly with her answer. She is running late too! She will meet me at the market! I have my son text her back a thank you and then text his dad to let him know that I will be there in a minute to relieve him of his duty--ahem---so he can go to work and that there is a bus on the way. Of course phone is spending more energy telling me that its dying than I am using of it to text....I get to the make shift bus stop, tell Kevin Thanks, and sit there waiting for the bus. As the bus pulls up I breathe a sigh of a relief and I realize something....I have to learn to think way more quietly...I mean, come on!! All I did the night before was make one little promise that I would try not to take life sooooo seriously and bam!!! The very next morning the fit hits the shan....LOL. But as my adrenaline comes down and I get 3 new text messages (These from an ex boyfriend...don't ask cause I don't want to out him for being a man-ho), I start laughing....I guess I did what I wanted to do. I didn't lose it,cry or give in. I did what I had to do, finally yelled at my ex and I got the kids to the bus. Mission accomplished. Now, where the hell is my battery charger? I found it in the fridge....don't ask. But it might explain why there was ketchup in the drawer. Now Its time for bed. No more making promises. I can't afford to prove myself tomorrow! But I am still working on the whole not taking myself seriously thing.
WOW, that took a long time to explain the simple fact that life sucks...oops, NO! I meant, life is a joke...oh wait, no..I meant, life is ...Well, Whatever it is, its LIFE!
So I decided last night that enough is enough! I am going to stop letting the "what if" scenarios of my days halt my life. There will be a tomorrow, the day will come and go and maybe come again and there may be really bad days in my future but I certainly cannot make them disappear or go smoother by stressing out about them all the moments and days before and until they come. If I am always worrying about what may happen I will be too busy stressing and too sick from the affects of that stress to enjoy the moments that are good.
That was when I realized that I need to find a way to find humor in the crap of life. We all have the crap....Some of us just can't figure out how to get around it without stepping straight into it. People like me. Sure, it won't be simple~~ I am going to have to retrain my brain to go to a positive place instead of a negative one, and there are going to be times when I fail miserably, but if I start to force myself to outscream the negative voices with more positive ones while making light of the stupid blunders I am bound to make (or life is bound to give me), I will be a happier person. (And if that doesn't work there is always electo-therapy).
As I went to bed last night I knew that when I woke up I would be tired, moody and the not-so-morning-person that I am would kick the trying-to-be-positive person right in the ass. If I thought writing myself a note and sticking it to my forehead would remind me about my quest I would have done it but I trusted my memory and my alarm clock. So, sure enough this morning I woke up with that decision tightly wedged in my head.
My cell phone alarm never went off. I found it under my bed...Go figure. But I was relieved to spite all that that I did wake up to spite the 2 hours of sleep. Then I realized, "Wow! Its so bright out for 5 am!" That was when I realized, "Hey dummy, its not 5, its 7am!" Great start to my new day....Since we usually get up at 5 and are out the door at 6:30 to pick up my daughter at her father's house to be at the bus stop for 7, I was most definitely late!
There I was hopping around trying to get my leg into my pants while trying to text my daughters father (Kevin) and get across the hall to my son's room to wake him. Then I find that my cell phone battery is dying. When it beeps to remind me that "Hey stupid you forgot to charge your phone" it automatically locks the keys.... E~V~E~R~Y S~I~N~G~L~E time Which is every minute...SO here I am trying to text between warning beeps and lock outs, knocking on my son's door to find him half awake and as confused as I was 2 minutes before, and trying to figure out how I am going to get 2 kids to a bus stop--any bus stop--so I won't have to drive them the 40 minutes into school half asleep! Finally I give up on texting and actually call my ex...Yeah, I know...It took me long enough. Not to mention the home phone was nice and charged sitting in 3 different rooms just waiting for me to use them but could I remember that? Of course not! Finally Kevin answers the phone and I explain to him that I am running late,that he will need to drive our daughter the 5 minutes to the next town to catch a bus because by the time I go get her and then double back to go to where the bus stop is she will be even more late...Better one kid get there on time if they both couldn't. At the same time I am still trying to dress, coax my son out of his sleepy stupor and find the car starter to start the car(which I can see is frozen with a nice thick sheet of ice.) Kevin of course isn't any help. He explains to me that he is supposed to be leaving for work...in the other direction..(This job which he just said yesterday he didnt have any hours scheduled....) By the way, PLEASE don't ask why I am picking my daughter up every morning and dropping her off everyday to and from my ex's house...I know, if he wants to have her during the week he should at least be responsible for the driving but he blames me for our pending divorce, the fact that my kids go to a school a half hour away and the state of the world so if I dont bring her then he starts threatening to take her out of that school where she has gone for over 6 years to stick her in a school more convenient for him.... Its a ridiculous fight since he agreed with me while we were married for years that the school where they go is the best for them. He made the decision with me to use "school choice" but magically now that we are separated I am suddenly being selfish wanting the kids to remain with their classmates. He would rather rip them out of the place they know and away from the friends they have and make yet one more thing in their life uncontrollable cause as we all know, divorce is soooo easy for kids to deal with...Yeah, ok. I am selfish???? Back to the story
As always, Kevin says no, he can't drive her to any bus stop because he is suppose to be at work already and he's on his way out the door as we speak. So I argue that if he's on his way out the door anyway, what would 5 minutes cost him? He then proceeds to tell me "I can't leave yet anyway cause my truck is frozen solid." So, let me get this straight....You are already leaving...that is why you can't bring her but then you aren't leaving yet cause your truck is frozen...Which excuse is it? DUH.....So I say a not-too-nice four letter word along with a sweet "Thanks for nothing as usual" and hang up on him. If it had been a real wall phone I am sure I would have slammed it hard enough to make my point but alas its a stupid cell phone with a whiny little 'beep' when I hang it up as hard as my finger will let me. So far I am not seeing anything amusing about my day.OK...I tell myself..."Get the boy in the car, pick up the girl and drive em to school. Coffee will have to wait." As I go running down the stairs my cell phone beeps. Its kevin texting me that he's bringing our daughter to a bus stop. What a saint! That ice must be magic cause he's already leaving as I am chipping away at my windshield.
Halfway to the next town where I hope to find a straggling bus maybe at the market or at the bottom of the street where I used to live, my phone starts ringing again. Its Kevin telling me to text our bus driver (the lady is so sweet and must know how out in left field I can be that she gave me her number in case I need to let her know I am running late. Well this is not late...This is WAY late.) Still, it makes sense. Maybe she hasn't gone by the market yet and can meet us there! WOW, I think, Kevin is helpful sometimes! So, I have my son try to text her. In the mean time the phone has beeped several times reminding me that the battery is dying. My son has to unlock the buttons several times before finally typing the message to her. But in the mean time Kevin keeps texting me asking me if I am going to text the bus driver and wondering what I am going to do because if there is no bus he isn't going to drive her "all the way" to school...(God Forbid) I tell my son to ignore his Father and text the bus driver. She comes back pretty quickly with her answer. She is running late too! She will meet me at the market! I have my son text her back a thank you and then text his dad to let him know that I will be there in a minute to relieve him of his duty--ahem---so he can go to work and that there is a bus on the way. Of course phone is spending more energy telling me that its dying than I am using of it to text....I get to the make shift bus stop, tell Kevin Thanks, and sit there waiting for the bus. As the bus pulls up I breathe a sigh of a relief and I realize something....I have to learn to think way more quietly...I mean, come on!! All I did the night before was make one little promise that I would try not to take life sooooo seriously and bam!!! The very next morning the fit hits the shan....LOL. But as my adrenaline comes down and I get 3 new text messages (These from an ex boyfriend...don't ask cause I don't want to out him for being a man-ho), I start laughing....I guess I did what I wanted to do. I didn't lose it,cry or give in. I did what I had to do, finally yelled at my ex and I got the kids to the bus. Mission accomplished. Now, where the hell is my battery charger? I found it in the fridge....don't ask. But it might explain why there was ketchup in the drawer. Now Its time for bed. No more making promises. I can't afford to prove myself tomorrow! But I am still working on the whole not taking myself seriously thing.
WOW, that took a long time to explain the simple fact that life sucks...oops, NO! I meant, life is a joke...oh wait, no..I meant, life is ...Well, Whatever it is, its LIFE!
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