Getting Out....FINALLY!



I haven't been blogging as much lately but believe me, that is a good sign. I have been getting out of the house, shopping, visiting and doing things that I usually try to put off indefinitely.

On Friday morning I woke up to find that our tax refund had been deposited. Finally! We have been so strapped for money lately that just a trip to the  store to buy cleaning supplies was not in the cards. Not someone who can stand the feeling of money burning a hole in my pocket I showered, dressed, did my hair and make up then stood there trying to not let all the demons in my head, the doubt, talk me out of my outing. I was starting to get warm, my forehead was dampening...My stomach was tumbling but I was fighting it. I got ready and got my keys and left.

There was a nice breeze so by the time I walked into the store I wasn't as bad as I started. I decided to  make my first trip be to Yankee Candle. I worked there for a few winter seasons and although the people I worked with aren't there anymore except for one woman, I have met and become friends with all the new people.It went well.Armed with coupons I went in with nothing and came out with 8 large candles jars, tarts, air fresheners and little things. I spent too much but I really got something money couldn't buy, a feeling of satisfaction that I went out, shopped and dealt with all the stresses so easily that usually send me running into the safe arms of my house.

I was at Y.C. about an hour then I was off to Target. I did well there and got all the household things we needed and was home in time for the kids. When they walked in the door I handed them each a new outfit, a book and a few family games. The looks on their faces and the words, "You went out!?!" proved that what I had done was no small feat.

Since Friday I have been out 3 days...Lots of shopping and the house is stocked full of almost everything we could use. On Saturday I even did well with a visit from My mother in law Anne. I adore her but usually I am too stressed worrying about whether the house is clean enough. We sat and drank coffee and got to chat. I enjoyed myself. 

The kids are off this week. I have a lot of ideas of places I would like to take them and things we might like to do including going to the movies, the park, having picnics, golfing, the library, walks, visiting friends and on and on. I know its not big trips but they are big enough to keep the kids happy and me busy fighting the urge to hide under the sheets. I want to make the kids happy. They have put up with so much lately including my Mom's death, my Dad's absence and my anxiety. I want them to know that things are going to be okay. Its easier to show that to them now that I finally believe it. 

~Stacy J. Roosa
April 19, 2010
12:45 am

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