~It's A New Day~
~If I am sad, it's because you never put faith in me.
If I am hurt,it's because you gave up.
If I am gone it's because you barely waved goodbye
but if I am to live, its for me that I must breathe
and never on love I should depend.~ SJR~
I haven't been around much to blog. I realize that part of blogging is writing daily and I apologize for not being a good blogger. See, I am starting my journey, I am living~Not always because I want to but because I have to. My kids need me so I swallow back the huge lump in my throat and attempt to appear normal as I feel my insides go to jello. Last night it was my daughter's night. She was playing in a series of skits in her school play. As usual I woke up sick with a stomach ache and fever and put off the first performance. I knew her father would be there so I promised her I would attend the night show. Not what I would have wanted, as I would have liked to go to both. Still, what I would like and what I can do are two different things.
I did go though and I did well. In the meantime though one of Tessa's friends had asked her to sleep over and then go to "Six Flags" theme park. I was not liking the idea, especially the trip to six flags. Every nerve in my body, every worry as a Mom comes out and my worry goes to "will she get lost. will someone steal her.." It's awful being a Mom nowadays although I am sure being a Mom any day is tough. The mother was at the performance and asked me point blank if I would allow Tessa to go. She said that she had already asked my daughter but we didn't answer...Since this was the first I had heard from the child's mother about this, I told her that unless I, myself, am called by her, I do not take much stock in the invite. I remember being a kid and inviting my friends over before even asking my Mother. I remember one time at 7 or 8 going on a bus after school to a friends house based on my friends okay and my own Mother freaking out not knowing where I was. Her Mom didn't know I was coming over As a parent I am always trying to think like a kid so I can head them off and not have the wool pulled over my own eyes.
So, here I was at my daughter's play trying to watch and the mother of my daughter's friend is gabbing over the show asking me why and how come and I finally said yes, she could go, but I wanted to talk to Tess first to be sure it was what She wanted. (not that she wouldn't want to or that I was going to talk her out of it but I like to be the one to ask so I can set the tone with my parental warnings,lol. Before I could reach Tessa at the end of the show to tell her how wonderfully she did or ask her if she would like to sleep over her friends, the other Mother had already ran up and asked her. Ughhhhh....Sorry if I sound like an over-careful, over-controlling Mother but that's all I have. Soon she and my son will be doing their own thing and seeing me as a great big annoyance. For now I want to be able to help control the craziness in our lives(not to mention be able to say "no" for them when I see fit.) When at times I meet parent's who are laid back, let their 4 year old ride their bikes near and in the road, let them do what they want when they want I do not pretend to understand their thought process. It's hard enough in this world to keep our kids safe...Why add undue and unneeded stresses like allowing a kid to decide what is safe and best for them? It drives me crazy to see parents trust the world and allow their kids to do what they want when they want with no apparent concern for their health. Some people should NOT be parents...Of course have you ever noticed, its the kids that are well taken care of that tend to have bad things happen and the ones who run the neighborhoods at a too-young age who get lucky? You can't win. All you can do is watch,listen and pay attention to your gut. This Mom didn't give me any reason to worry about my daughter being under her care so why should I stress?
Still, I guess being a parent isn't about winning or always knowing you are making the right choice, Its about doing the best you can and hoping beyond hope that what you have taught them will stick and that they will stay grounded in the safe world you have surrounded them with. My Mother did the best she could and I still got abused. What else can I truly say?
I am hoping to fight and return to work by the time the kids return to school in September. My doctor has all but said that what I am dealing with-my back, my agoraphobia, depression, my knee and so on, are all
We will get through this, we always do but it takes time. Until then I have my kids and my words..They are always here for me. They love, believe in and never abandon me. Unconditional love. Thank goodness for that love.
~Stacy J. Roosa
5/22/10
1:30pm
If I am hurt,it's because you gave up.
If I am gone it's because you barely waved goodbye
but if I am to live, its for me that I must breathe
and never on love I should depend.~ SJR~
I haven't been around much to blog. I realize that part of blogging is writing daily and I apologize for not being a good blogger. See, I am starting my journey, I am living~Not always because I want to but because I have to. My kids need me so I swallow back the huge lump in my throat and attempt to appear normal as I feel my insides go to jello. Last night it was my daughter's night. She was playing in a series of skits in her school play. As usual I woke up sick with a stomach ache and fever and put off the first performance. I knew her father would be there so I promised her I would attend the night show. Not what I would have wanted, as I would have liked to go to both. Still, what I would like and what I can do are two different things.
I did go though and I did well. In the meantime though one of Tessa's friends had asked her to sleep over and then go to "Six Flags" theme park. I was not liking the idea, especially the trip to six flags. Every nerve in my body, every worry as a Mom comes out and my worry goes to "will she get lost. will someone steal her.." It's awful being a Mom nowadays although I am sure being a Mom any day is tough. The mother was at the performance and asked me point blank if I would allow Tessa to go. She said that she had already asked my daughter but we didn't answer...Since this was the first I had heard from the child's mother about this, I told her that unless I, myself, am called by her, I do not take much stock in the invite. I remember being a kid and inviting my friends over before even asking my Mother. I remember one time at 7 or 8 going on a bus after school to a friends house based on my friends okay and my own Mother freaking out not knowing where I was. Her Mom didn't know I was coming over As a parent I am always trying to think like a kid so I can head them off and not have the wool pulled over my own eyes.
So, here I was at my daughter's play trying to watch and the mother of my daughter's friend is gabbing over the show asking me why and how come and I finally said yes, she could go, but I wanted to talk to Tess first to be sure it was what She wanted. (not that she wouldn't want to or that I was going to talk her out of it but I like to be the one to ask so I can set the tone with my parental warnings,lol. Before I could reach Tessa at the end of the show to tell her how wonderfully she did or ask her if she would like to sleep over her friends, the other Mother had already ran up and asked her. Ughhhhh....Sorry if I sound like an over-careful, over-controlling Mother but that's all I have. Soon she and my son will be doing their own thing and seeing me as a great big annoyance. For now I want to be able to help control the craziness in our lives(not to mention be able to say "no" for them when I see fit.) When at times I meet parent's who are laid back, let their 4 year old ride their bikes near and in the road, let them do what they want when they want I do not pretend to understand their thought process. It's hard enough in this world to keep our kids safe...Why add undue and unneeded stresses like allowing a kid to decide what is safe and best for them? It drives me crazy to see parents trust the world and allow their kids to do what they want when they want with no apparent concern for their health. Some people should NOT be parents...Of course have you ever noticed, its the kids that are well taken care of that tend to have bad things happen and the ones who run the neighborhoods at a too-young age who get lucky? You can't win. All you can do is watch,listen and pay attention to your gut. This Mom didn't give me any reason to worry about my daughter being under her care so why should I stress?
Still, I guess being a parent isn't about winning or always knowing you are making the right choice, Its about doing the best you can and hoping beyond hope that what you have taught them will stick and that they will stay grounded in the safe world you have surrounded them with. My Mother did the best she could and I still got abused. What else can I truly say?
I am hoping to fight and return to work by the time the kids return to school in September. My doctor has all but said that what I am dealing with-my back, my agoraphobia, depression, my knee and so on, are all
We will get through this, we always do but it takes time. Until then I have my kids and my words..They are always here for me. They love, believe in and never abandon me. Unconditional love. Thank goodness for that love.
~Stacy J. Roosa
5/22/10
1:30pm
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