~~ Leaving Massachusetts For California ~~

On Sunday morning we will pack up our truck and begin our 3,000 mile journey to California.  Jesse, who was born and lived in CA all of his life until the last 2 years when he moved here to be with me, will introduce myself and my 2 teenagers to life in the sunny (and more, importantly snow-less) state.

 Ask me how I feel? If you were here you'd take one look at me and know in an instant. I, Stacy French, an agoraphobic who suffers anxiety so badly at times that I cannot leave my own home to grocery shop, will get into a car and drive, drive drive drive and drive some more all the while coming across almost a dozen states, thousands of people and any number of scenarios while traveling to get to California (In one piece, I pray), only to live in the home of Jesse's very gracious and giving family ( they must be to be taking us in) and to meet any number of Californians as well as the rest of Jesse's huge family.

 Now, can you imagine?  And forget about me...How about my 2 kids? They will be going this entire trek leaving behind their own friends, father and Grandparents and at the end of it they will meet all the same new people, go to a new school and there they will meet hundreds of new (hopefully friendly) classmates. I worry about them more than myself. It's just I can only speak from where I feel...I think that they are brave. They have taught me that this fear I have is holding me back from living.

 So, as we take this long and hopefully wonderful trip, I pray that every mile, every new person and all the new sites we take in chips apart at my agoraphobia and anxiety. I hope that by the time I get to California I will have found a way to put hope above fear and life and my kids above all else.

 I'd love to take you all along on our trop but since I can't I  will try to blog as we go and post pictures. Pray for a safe, fun-filled trip for us without any car or other trouble? For the first time in a long time I will admit that I am taking God with me.  After all we've been through we need Him now more than ever!!

 See you in my next blog!!

Comments

  1. UnknownWednesday, October 09, 2013 7:44:00 AM

    I am as close as the phone during your journey (hey they are an awesome road trip group) and I am wishing you an uneventful but photographic trip. You are going to see some amazing sites and the kids will get to see things they may have read about. I am going to follow you along the way and I will miss you (even though we are so far away from each other right now). Let us know how it goes and remember you are very special and very beautiful and you will have an awesome life out there!

    ReplyDelete
  2. UnknownWednesday, October 09, 2013 2:52:00 PM

    I wish you well and please keep in touch ! I hope this move helps you in all ways possible

    ReplyDelete
  3. jenny fonesThursday, October 10, 2013 7:47:00 AM

    hey stacey...i can only admire u for taking the bull by the horns...i am not so brave as u ...i wish u only happiness and health in your new home ...we dont speak often but u r often an inspiration to me...u have really come out of your shell (is that patronising...i hope not)...i cant come by for coffee..but i wish i could look in yr fb gifts ha ha ) ..good luck love ...dont be a stranger..at least no stranger than u r xxx...hugs from me n mine xxx

    ReplyDelete
  4. AnonymousTuesday, October 15, 2013 6:19:00 PM

    How very exciting my dear friend, a New Chapter in the Book of Life . I wish you safe travels and hope you are able to take time to enjoy a few things on your travels to California.. thanks for keeping us in the know .. <3 Lee

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Have something to add?

Popular posts from this blog

Reaching out is the most difficult part

Apparently in spite of all the good things in my life I am currently caught, again, in the tight grip of depression. While I've experienced it most of my life, I can't always recognize that is has me until I'm well imprisoned by it's firm hold. One minute I'm laughing and enjoying the little things in life, the next I'm struggling with ugly, broken thoughts. And like pieces of glass in my head, the thoughts cut into the flesh and leave me bleeding only darkness. When I am in a depressive state I am not sad all the time. There isn't some large black cloud that follows me everywhere. If we are to compare it to weather, which I usually do not, I honestly feel soothed by the darkness because the sunshine is too much a reminder of what I should or could be. Depression for me is eating to try to fill the empty spaces inside. It's denying the sunshine by closing all the blinds. It's sitting at the dining room table with Jesse's family and my own dau...
Read more

~Your loss, My Gain~

Image
Okay, so its over. I wrote you an e-mail along with the blog, asked you to consider working through our problems to get back to our friendship but you have gone unseen and unheard. I should not be surprised. In fact, I should be relieved as I feel that I am the one who fought for us while you just rode the waves. I am a woman, lost at times, full of self-doubt and feelings of abandonment. Sadly, having issues like these can make maintaining a long-distance friendship hard. Even more difficult is when the other person goes along fine,it seems, but is never honest about their feelings like I believe you weren't. It's very possible that all that we went through was my fault and that I made it a mess from day one but you won't voice your emotions so how can I see anything but my side? I really wanted to see yours but I couldn't, you wouldn't let me. My last e-mail I asked you to come chat, to talk about what happened, or didn't happen, to cause me to think tha...
Read more

~ The Silencing Of An Abused Voice ~

When you go through life feeling almost everything that happens around you, it can be very difficult to separate your heart from your mind and what you feel from what you know.  Most thoughts are rooted in emotions when you feel so much.  Your perception of the world and how it views you is influenced by your own self-worth. Perhaps over feeling everything has to do with being abused~ At least for me. Sexually, mentally and physically~ All forms of abuse can eat away at the core of self worth and become so overwhelming that in time it's all one can do to not pick everything apart-even compliments-for some hidden insult. It's exhausting, to say the least, and it can put a lot of distance between yourself and others.  As if you aren't lonely enough in that dark and cold place, you become a victim of your own thoughts, doubts and worries. You feel shame for the abuse because in your heart, you wonder what you did to deserve it, to cause it. Your brain tells you that these...
Read more