~Please Forgive Me~
Wow....I can't believe we are moving...and 3,000 miles to California! I am excited but more than that I am scared. I always thought leaving Massachusetts would be my way of running away but I realize that its time to start my life. While I am here living in the shadow of so many family issues and dramas, I cannot work on me. For every time I start to take a foot out the door someone related to me is laying down a kind of threat. Now its my brother. He's out of prison, again, and he states that he wants to start over. What he doesn't understand is that just because he's decided to forgive those that he thinks wronged him, it does not mean that the person he is approaching in order to forgive is asking for his approval. I get the feeling that my brother feels wronged by his imprisonment even though he's "taken responsibility" he really doesn't understand what that means. He seems to think saying "I'm sorry" is all that is needed or wanted and that everyone will simply move on because of it. It's not his right to decide when the person he wronged gets over their anger. Maybe they never will. My brother has really gone through and messed up the lives of everyone from strangers to close friends to family.Have I forgiven him? Over and over again...I love him. He has such a way of being the most outgoing and charismatic man I know. Still, I have to keep some distance. Whenever I think I've got my brother "back" he does something illegal and goes back to prison.
So with the constant roller coaster of family members, my Mother's death, Jesse missing his family (his sister and brothers and Grandkids and daughters) and my own hope to help my life and that of our children, that is where I say "Its time to go". Otherwise I will never be able to step outside my door and get a good outcome. And that is how an agoraphobic gets better~ They decide to go out and then they do it over and over. The exposure will help me to realize that while things can go wrong, there is a better chance they won't.
Still, moving so far away has its negative things too. My father, my siblings, their kids. I will miss them but I can come back to visit and I can skype with them. California just feels like open arms welcoming me to begin again.
But then I worry... What if we run out of money half way there? What if our SUV breaks down? What if we get there and can't find a house or have the money to get it. I know that no matter what, this move was coming so why not now?
I have a friend who told me I should start a campaign to raise money. The issue? The only way to raise the money is to post it EVERYWHERE including on face book. I cannot even tell you how awful that feels. It's like putting my hand out and asking for money...Its EXACTLY what it is and I've never asked anyone (but close family) for help. But then I think that some people have the money and like to have an opportunity to help. Sure, we are not a family who is starving and living on the street. We are going to be driving and while that will be amazing to see the country, we will be homeless for that time. That freaks me out. Still I am doing this for many reasons...I'm doing this so that my kids to have more opportunities...This is also about Jesse and how many years he's given up to me by living here in Massachusetts far away from his own family, I think what do we have to lose? The money would be to ensure we get him home safely. I can't find a way to post it to face book without feeling horrible so thought I'd put it here and see what happens. NO ONE has to give money if they don't want....God knows that most of us are not doing so well financially. But if someone out there can afford a few dollars and wants to help us get to CA, the link is there and our appreciation is HUGE.... And we WILL pay it forward!! I pray to God that we will find our way safely and without fear of being stranded anywhere.
Click the link to read our story and see our fundraiser; Give if you can but if you can't, we'd love to have your prayers for a safe journey! It means just as much to us!
A fund to get Jesse home
Thank you as always for reading <3
So with the constant roller coaster of family members, my Mother's death, Jesse missing his family (his sister and brothers and Grandkids and daughters) and my own hope to help my life and that of our children, that is where I say "Its time to go". Otherwise I will never be able to step outside my door and get a good outcome. And that is how an agoraphobic gets better~ They decide to go out and then they do it over and over. The exposure will help me to realize that while things can go wrong, there is a better chance they won't.
Still, moving so far away has its negative things too. My father, my siblings, their kids. I will miss them but I can come back to visit and I can skype with them. California just feels like open arms welcoming me to begin again.
But then I worry... What if we run out of money half way there? What if our SUV breaks down? What if we get there and can't find a house or have the money to get it. I know that no matter what, this move was coming so why not now?
I have a friend who told me I should start a campaign to raise money. The issue? The only way to raise the money is to post it EVERYWHERE including on face book. I cannot even tell you how awful that feels. It's like putting my hand out and asking for money...Its EXACTLY what it is and I've never asked anyone (but close family) for help. But then I think that some people have the money and like to have an opportunity to help. Sure, we are not a family who is starving and living on the street. We are going to be driving and while that will be amazing to see the country, we will be homeless for that time. That freaks me out. Still I am doing this for many reasons...I'm doing this so that my kids to have more opportunities...This is also about Jesse and how many years he's given up to me by living here in Massachusetts far away from his own family, I think what do we have to lose? The money would be to ensure we get him home safely. I can't find a way to post it to face book without feeling horrible so thought I'd put it here and see what happens. NO ONE has to give money if they don't want....God knows that most of us are not doing so well financially. But if someone out there can afford a few dollars and wants to help us get to CA, the link is there and our appreciation is HUGE.... And we WILL pay it forward!! I pray to God that we will find our way safely and without fear of being stranded anywhere.
Click the link to read our story and see our fundraiser; Give if you can but if you can't, we'd love to have your prayers for a safe journey! It means just as much to us!
A fund to get Jesse home
Thank you as always for reading <3
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