~ The 2 Faces of An Abuser~
~ There is at least one man in the world who is a walking bomb ready to go off. You've met him. He's that guy who is very outgoing. He's friendly and he'll literally give you the shirt off his back. He's usually quite popular with the guys but is almost always a part of the "boy's club" where, without words, he and his guy friends believe that they are above all others, especially women.
This goes out to those members of the "boys club" whether its a workplace, fire department, friars club...Anywhere...This is to the "friends" who believe their buddies blindly.
When he's in the world his face is sweet, his personality is outgoing and he's tame. You probably love to hang out with him. You'd trust him with your car, your family, your life but he's the biggest coward you'll ever meet...if you'd ever be introduced to the "real" him. Still you're not meant to meet the real guy. He's got a mask on...A mask you accept
When he comes home he is the opposite. He takes that "boys club' mentality where he is always right and his wife is an idiot. He will tell her so many times. He has no energy to give his wife or his kids yet he was running with you boys all day...He turns from being in a "leave me alone" mood to a murderous, evil thing in the space of a breath. The white of his eyes go red with anger, he balls his fists up and his words become abusive.
While in a good mood he will call his wife beautiful, a bad mood brings out words like "Bitch", "Ugly", "Stupid" and any word you can think of that cuts like a knife. His favorite word for his wife is "C*nt" because he knows it is the worst name he can call her.
No matter if its a full blown argument or a disagreement over the color of the walls, this man who can have fun and play around with you is unwilling to agree to disagree. He has to believe that he is right because the idea that a woman could know more than him is an unbelievable thought. He will argue his side until he decides that his woman is too stupid to understand. Then he will call her names and scream at her until she backs down.
His only power is fear. He know if he balls his fists, looks at his wife with murderous intent and pushes his weight up against her, she will cower...He knows his strength and even if it isn't muscle, its his ability to bully her.
And you think its so funny when he comes in the next morning and tells you that he and his wife had a disagreement. He makes jokes about women and how they are only good for a sexual act. You all laugh. Not because you may agree~ maybe some of you do~ but because you honestly believe he is joking.
But he wasn't. The night before while you were enjoying a dinner and television with your family he had his wife bullied into a corner. When she reached for the phone for help, your buddy ripped the phone out of her hand and wrapped the cord around her neck. While you sat enjoying your peace, she was struggling for air and praying for death. Death was and is the only escape for her....She knows that as her head makes a hole in the wall and he laughs.
If she was able to get a "shot" in at him in defense he would tell you a whole other story of how he got it. He's not going to admit that she got one over on him.
The day he told you she left...He claimed that she was a slut, that she cheated, right? He didn't share that after 17 years of hell she finally found the strength to leave. Sure, she did meet another man...But it wasn't for sex or even with love in mind. She met a man who truly listened. A man who knew just from her voice that she had been living in a private hell all her marriage...A man who cared what she had to say and didn't want to punish her for having a different opinion ever.
You thought "Poor guy...what did he deserve for her to leave? She must be a bitch". Little did you know that this woman (who by the way you grew up with..and who until now you never had a bad thing to say possibly) was living and breathing just to make this man happy but who, after never being "good" enough collapsed in on herself and gave in and gave up. You never asked her for her side. You never even imagined she HAD a side...
You were just as bad in some ways as the very man who's abused her because you chose a side where no sides existed that would protect or save the people involved. Remember, we don't see what goes on behind closed doors.
To be continued....
This goes out to those members of the "boys club" whether its a workplace, fire department, friars club...Anywhere...This is to the "friends" who believe their buddies blindly.
When he's in the world his face is sweet, his personality is outgoing and he's tame. You probably love to hang out with him. You'd trust him with your car, your family, your life but he's the biggest coward you'll ever meet...if you'd ever be introduced to the "real" him. Still you're not meant to meet the real guy. He's got a mask on...A mask you accept
When he comes home he is the opposite. He takes that "boys club' mentality where he is always right and his wife is an idiot. He will tell her so many times. He has no energy to give his wife or his kids yet he was running with you boys all day...He turns from being in a "leave me alone" mood to a murderous, evil thing in the space of a breath. The white of his eyes go red with anger, he balls his fists up and his words become abusive.
While in a good mood he will call his wife beautiful, a bad mood brings out words like "Bitch", "Ugly", "Stupid" and any word you can think of that cuts like a knife. His favorite word for his wife is "C*nt" because he knows it is the worst name he can call her.
No matter if its a full blown argument or a disagreement over the color of the walls, this man who can have fun and play around with you is unwilling to agree to disagree. He has to believe that he is right because the idea that a woman could know more than him is an unbelievable thought. He will argue his side until he decides that his woman is too stupid to understand. Then he will call her names and scream at her until she backs down.
His only power is fear. He know if he balls his fists, looks at his wife with murderous intent and pushes his weight up against her, she will cower...He knows his strength and even if it isn't muscle, its his ability to bully her.
And you think its so funny when he comes in the next morning and tells you that he and his wife had a disagreement. He makes jokes about women and how they are only good for a sexual act. You all laugh. Not because you may agree~ maybe some of you do~ but because you honestly believe he is joking.
But he wasn't. The night before while you were enjoying a dinner and television with your family he had his wife bullied into a corner. When she reached for the phone for help, your buddy ripped the phone out of her hand and wrapped the cord around her neck. While you sat enjoying your peace, she was struggling for air and praying for death. Death was and is the only escape for her....She knows that as her head makes a hole in the wall and he laughs.
If she was able to get a "shot" in at him in defense he would tell you a whole other story of how he got it. He's not going to admit that she got one over on him.
The day he told you she left...He claimed that she was a slut, that she cheated, right? He didn't share that after 17 years of hell she finally found the strength to leave. Sure, she did meet another man...But it wasn't for sex or even with love in mind. She met a man who truly listened. A man who knew just from her voice that she had been living in a private hell all her marriage...A man who cared what she had to say and didn't want to punish her for having a different opinion ever.
You thought "Poor guy...what did he deserve for her to leave? She must be a bitch". Little did you know that this woman (who by the way you grew up with..and who until now you never had a bad thing to say possibly) was living and breathing just to make this man happy but who, after never being "good" enough collapsed in on herself and gave in and gave up. You never asked her for her side. You never even imagined she HAD a side...
You were just as bad in some ways as the very man who's abused her because you chose a side where no sides existed that would protect or save the people involved. Remember, we don't see what goes on behind closed doors.
To be continued....
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