~Onward and Upward~

It's a relief to find how strong I am when I have no choice. Losing Mom, my Father and being lied to and let down by new "friends" was all I could take...At least I thought. I sat here wondering what I was doing wrong to deserve such unloving and unthoughtful people in my life...People who would say that they cared, promise me their life and time and say that they understood all that I was going through.I have learned something as of late~Its not me, its the people I try to  push to fit into my life. If they don't want to be here than I don't want them to be here either.


I wanted an escape from reality, a place to go where my life could be a distant and sad memory. That is not possible. What I need is to surround myself with people who love me no matter what I look like, no matter how crazy I can get, no matter what things I might do...I am worth people who will understand that my life has been ripped from a straight and safe road to a windy and unsure venture. Why would I want to add NEW people who weren't there before and during all of my loss if they cannot take me for who and what I am?


So, I say goodbye. I have deleted a "friend" from my chat and e-mail, from face book and all other places. Its time to move on. I gave them a chance to come to me,to give me a chance to show them that my promises were real, and that there is a place in my world for our friendship. They couldn't  be bothered, didn't care enough for me, and didn't have enough respect for me to even send me an e-mail saying goodbye. I can sit here and go on and on about how much that should hurt me, how much of a waste all of my time and energy was...I could ask why did they lie to me, tell me that they would always have a special place in their heart for me...That would be a waste of my time and yours. They lied. End of story. They never cared, never loved me, never wanted anything more than what they could get for their own pride's hunger. I am done. I am over it.


So, I am free of people who lie to me and pull me down. I am done with "friends" who break my heart just to prove that they can. Its a new chapter of my life and a nice, clean slate. I have a beautiful, loving and wonderful family, the best memories of my Mom and a life ahead of me to make what I want in this world.
I am not wasting time anymore.


~Stacy J. Roosa

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