Life Through The Eyes of Stacy

~ There is at least one man in the world who is a walking bomb ready to go off. You've met him. He's that guy who is very outgoing. He's friendly and he'll literally give you the shirt off his back. He's usually quite popular with the guys but is almost always a part of the "boy's club" where, without words, he and his guy friends believe that they are above all others, especially women. This goes out to those members of the "boys club" whether its a workplace, fire department, friars club...Anywhere...This is to the "friends" who believe their buddies blindly.  When he's in the world his face is sweet, his personality is outgoing and he's tame. You probably love to hang out with him. You'd trust him with your car, your family, your life but he's the biggest coward you'll ever meet...if you'd ever be introduced to the "real" him. Still you're not meant to meet the real guy. He's got a m...

In this trek across America I have learned many things...Yet of all of things I've learned about our country, the land and how scary some people can be while others can be amazing, I've learned more about myself. For instance,   I've learned.... 1) that I can do ANYTHING if I set my mind to it or have no choice. In the 2 and a half weeks I've traveled in a packed to the gills SUV with 3 other people, visited the Grand Canyon to spite my own fear of heights, gone to two of Jesse's very close family's party's, traveled 3,000 plus miles where I had to go in and out of dozens of the busiest, dirtiest bathrooms and all while trying to keep 2 kids (one with a horrible double ear infection and ruptured ear drums) happy. It was NOT easy. Sometimes I wanted to get sick and more than that I wanted to hide, but I did it. 2) I, as picky as I am about food, (and wow, I am picky...if the bread is too soft or too hard, the pizza is too "Dominoes" like or t...

I am a people pleaser. I try so hard to make everyone happy. Even when I write I tend to hold back many of my opinions because I hate the idea of anyone disagreeing with me. But then I realize in this mess that I am NOT worthy of even one reader if I am not going to write as openly and as honestly as I can. If I am just going to tip toe around and say only what I think people want to hear, then why would anyone waste their time reading my thoughts? My very last blog about my feelings about my hometown brought on a few disagreeing readers. I guess they didn't understand how I could put down a town where I lived. If they read my blog carefully they would have read that even from the beginning, even with my very first sentence, I was apologetic about how i am feeling presently. I am also aware that my negative feelings may have more to do with my tendency to push away anything that may cause me pain. My hometown and the people I've left behind are still here with me and I...

Please, read with understanding that I am just coming to find myself and come to terms with some strong emotions with this 3,000 mile move to California. I have just let go of the hand of the Berkshires to fall into the lap of a world, of something bigger than I've ever known. We all want roots, don't we. We want to know we belong to someone, to something...I have never felt that way in Lanesboro or Pittsfield...Especially after some good friends turned their backs on me when my husband and I decided to divorce. I learned that a man they had just met, who was born and went to a whole other school and town and who joined their volunteer fire department only a few years before, had more say and influence than myself who had been born and grew up there. Chalk it up to bad luck or crappy people who all just happen to work or are connected to the same place, but it seems that people should stop judging and start just letting things be. I am ashamed to say the following but not beca...

It's day 2 and its been quite a day! I was woken up in a bit of a rush. Jesse thought he'd wake me up last so I could make up for the sleep that I lost from 230 am on. It was very sweet of him. We got on the road before 730am and met the ground running. Coffee...Give me coffee! So, we fill up the car with gas and our cups with hot fresh coffee and we are off. We were only into our ride a few hours when we saw a sign for the Zoo in Ohio. Now, if you know me you KNOW I do NOT make suggestions to go off our a to b route but I knew that the coming week would be full of cramped living as we drive west so I suggested we take a detour and visit the zoo. We'd only been to one other one before in New York but it was when the kids were too young to remember. The zoo was the best!!! I loved to see the tigers and the bears. Even the birds were fun to watch. Tessa loved the tigers and lions and to spite her ear ache, she totally forgot her pain it seemed and went back for a 2nd look ...

The day came yesterday when it was time to hit the road, as they say. We had spent a crazy few weeks trying to pack what we thought we could fit in our SUV while getting ready to sell everything else. The emotion that is attached to possessions is without reason. On one hand these items are "things". They can usually be bought over and over again and in many places but the very one that is in your possession becomes, at least to me, like a face-less person with a personality....Especially if the item was given to you by a loved one. In that case it feels almost like you are selling and leaving behind a part of that person. And even though you reason in your mind that no, that is NOT true...that they are JUST items, when the day comes to sell them no amount of money is enough because how can we attach a price to an emotion such as love? That is why I asked everyone else what price they thought I should sell the bear or the piece of furniture for. That was the only way to deal...

On Sunday morning we will pack up our truck and begin our 3,000 mile journey to California.  Jesse, who was born and lived in CA all of his life until the last 2 years when he moved here to be with me, will introduce myself and my 2 teenagers to life in the sunny (and more, importantly snow-less) state. Ask me how I feel? If you were here you'd take one look at me and know in an instant. I, Stacy French, an agoraphobic who suffers anxiety so badly at times that I cannot leave my own home to grocery shop, will get into a car and drive, drive drive drive and drive some more all the while coming across almost a dozen states, thousands of people and any number of scenarios while traveling to get to California (In one piece, I pray), only to live in the home of Jesse's very gracious and giving family ( they must be to be taking us in) and to meet any number of Californians as well as the rest of Jesse's huge family. Now, can you imagine?  And forget about me...How about my ...

Wow....I can't believe we are moving...and 3,000 miles to California! I am excited but more than that I am scared. I always thought leaving Massachusetts would be my way of running away but I realize that its time to start my life. While I am here living in the shadow of so many family issues and dramas, I cannot work on me. For every time I start to take a foot out the door someone related to me is laying down a kind of threat. Now its my brother. He's out of prison, again, and he states that he wants to start over. What he doesn't understand is that just because he's decided to forgive those that he thinks wronged him, it does not mean that the person he is approaching in order to forgive is asking for his approval. I get the feeling that my brother feels wronged by his imprisonment even though he's "taken responsibility" he really doesn't understand what that means. He seems to think saying "I'm sorry" is all that is needed or wanted ...