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~Your loss, My Gain~

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Okay, so its over. I wrote you an e-mail along with the blog, asked you to consider working through our problems to get back to our friendship but you have gone unseen and unheard. I should not be surprised. In fact, I should be relieved as I feel that I am the one who fought for us while you just rode the waves. I am a woman, lost at times, full of self-doubt and feelings of abandonment. Sadly, having issues like these can make maintaining a long-distance friendship hard. Even more difficult is when the other person goes along fine,it seems, but is never honest about their feelings like I believe you weren't. It's very possible that all that we went through was my fault and that I made it a mess from day one but you won't voice your emotions so how can I see anything but my side? I really wanted to see yours but I couldn't, you wouldn't let me. My last e-mail I asked you to come chat, to talk about what happened, or didn't happen, to cause me to think tha...
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~ The Silencing Of An Abused Voice ~

When you go through life feeling almost everything that happens around you, it can be very difficult to separate your heart from your mind and what you feel from what you know.  Most thoughts are rooted in emotions when you feel so much.  Your perception of the world and how it views you is influenced by your own self-worth. Perhaps over feeling everything has to do with being abused~ At least for me. Sexually, mentally and physically~ All forms of abuse can eat away at the core of self worth and become so overwhelming that in time it's all one can do to not pick everything apart-even compliments-for some hidden insult. It's exhausting, to say the least, and it can put a lot of distance between yourself and others.  As if you aren't lonely enough in that dark and cold place, you become a victim of your own thoughts, doubts and worries. You feel shame for the abuse because in your heart, you wonder what you did to deserve it, to cause it. Your brain tells you that these...
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Taking A Joke

Its come to my attention that life is a joke....Or, at least, it should be taken as one. I am a perfectionist. I worry about things I cannot control and I worry about worrying. If there is something going on, be it a meeting for the kids, a doctors appointment next week or a bill due, I am going to put all my thought energy into thinking, rethinking and overthinking a possible negative outcome. Lately its gotten so bad that I cannot sleep, eat anything more than a snack or enjoy my life when it is going well. So worried about what might happen, I can't relish the moments that aren't going badly. So I decided last night that enough is enough! I am going to stop letting the "what if" scenarios of my days halt my life. There will be a tomorrow, the day will come and go and maybe come again and there may be really bad days in my future but I certainly cannot make them disappear or go smoother by stressing out about them all the moments and days before and until they c...
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