~My Angel~

Blind and lost,
battered and beaten from my inside out,
I reach out  hopelessly one last time into the dark open spaces of the world.
My own life lay in pieces at my bare feet
like broken and splintered glass~
All the Love I gave to that man he's returned to me with only tears and pain.
The time I spent fighting for that love has left me with only scars and wrinkles,
all threatening now to take my very life.
I dare not move
or I'll risk cutting open my own skin,
my heart
and my life.
Yet as I grasp the dark empty night for someone,
anyone,
I close my own hand on another that is soft and warm.
Do I hold on? I worry that its only another man intent on hurting me.
Just as I decide to pull my hand back
It pulls me free of the broken world I know.
I feel it guide me gently and so carefully toward the sunshine.
I don't dare open my eyes because I fear the burn of the sun
and what I might find.
For the first time in so long I feel lush soft grass under my aching feet,
I feel the sun kissing my skin.
My heart suddenly flirts with hope.
I slowly open my tired eyes to find you there smiling.
Your handsome face, your warm and gorgeous smile...
Even your huge heart is showing through.
You look back at me with those dark and beautiful eyes.
You see me.Not just my face and body which are tired and in the grip of pain and worry,
but INSIDE me...
I try to cover myself, to hide the  mess that I am inside and out-
My face in a constant frown,
my eyes so dark and full of the tiredness I feel~
Yet you see through it all and find beauty somehow.
You hold onto me tightly in a hug I've never felt.
I suddenly feel safe, loved.
Your love makes me pull you in closer
but fear of losing this perfect love makes me push you away.
You so patiently do the dance with me,
let me push and pull you,
allow me to love and hate everything that is Love
but never do you let me go.
Then finally you pull me in tightly,
look deep into my soul and tell my heart everything I always
needed to hear.
You lead me through all the wreckage of my life
and catch me when I trip on my own doubt yet you never let me fall.
.
Your voice fills in the air as you ask me " Where did you come from?"
I can't help but answer with the same question.
I imagine someone way up high in Heaven
sending you to me,,,
My very own Angel to guide me out of the dark,
to help me through my pain.
I believe you were sent at that very moment I needed a miracle.
Maybe my own Mother led me to reach out to you
as she stood looking down watching me suffering.
Now I imagine that she is smiling on us
as she watches you fill my heart with Love
and my soul with Hope.
So very alone and frightened before you,
now I am safe.
Every new step I take into this unknown world I feel you there with me
holding my hand and standing by my side.
I hear your smiling voice through even the eclipses of doubt
as you so truthfully say,
"I love you"
All the darkness is swallowed up by such bright sunshine when I let you in my heart
and let the doubt fall behind.

Where did you come from, My Angel?
It's all I can ask
and then hear my own voice pleading,
begging you,"Will you please stay with me?"
Or will you go like everyone else?
Time after time your voice comes like hope on wings,
"I love you My Sweet Stacy, I am not going anywhere."
Yet, I wonder, do I deserve you?
Have I earned such deep
and real love?
I fear the loss of you more than any other possibility.
I ache in the night to feel your arms wrapped around me again...
To feel your heart beating
and to kiss those gorgeous lips and face of yours.
I am sad alone and away from you but once again your voice comes over me
and melts my fear,
"I want you forever.You will be here with me soon. I am always here for you
my Sweet Stacy."
I am letting go of that doubt now.
I am letting in all the hope and love that you have given me.
No more will I allow my fear to get in between us.
I love you my Angel, my Sweet Jesse....My baby....
Forever and a day
and back again.

Love, Stacy

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