~The Truth Hurts~

~It just occurred to me that 99% of the people who read my blog don't know me. My audience is made up mostly of people I have befriended on face book or strangers who have come across it in their search on google and other sites. No, I don't have a family member or a friend that comes here specifically to read about what I am dealing with. (**That doesn't include you Jesse who I know actually asks me when my next blog will be published before my first one is even done**) It makes me sad and yet it also makes me realize that I have always been alone....I wonder as I write this now if this will ever change? Will I forever have friends who don't care to read my passion? Even if I didn't like art for example, I would be the first person at a friends art exhibit. I have been the first person to do and experience things my friend are doing or are interested in. No, not because I feel like I should but because I genuinely want to experience what they are so keen on.
~I have had a certain friend "let" me read my poetry to her. And another actually asked me to write a poem to another friend of hers...I have had teachers of my children compliment and offer me a platform to read to their students and even been invited to poetry slams and other such events by people who have wanted to share in my "talent" but not one of them was my friend. That makes me feel very sad and unappreciated it.Yet it doesn't deter me from wanting to continue. Instead it drives me on. Someday maybe I will make a name for myself, even if a small one since poetry doesn't have a huge following. I imagine then my "friends" will find time to pop in and read my words. Sad isn't it. I get tired of being a good friend yet having so few I can relate to or rely on. Strangers respect my work so much more than my friends...Acquaintances of face book come here and read but my own friends and relatives have better things to do. It is sad and sometimes it breaks my heart but it tells me something--- I can keep all those friends and while enjoying what they do bring to my life in other ways, I need some new friends who actually like to read poetry and blogs...I can't change other people,right? And I am completely sick of being hurt and let down by them!

Comments

  1. AnonymousWednesday, June 08, 2011 5:34:00 AM

    You are very brave to write about the things deepest in your heart. Friends come in all forms. Appreciate the ones who SEE you for who you are and allow you to feel the love and support they are capable of giving. Building a network of writing friends is a great idea!! Noone understands the frustration or elation of feeling your insides pour to paper better than a peer. Let your friends celebrate you, the readers meet you and writing world welcome you....luv, an old friend

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