~In Love With A Ghost~

So intricately and with painstaking attention
the girl cleared her home of all memory of Him.
She untied and unwrapped the many ribbons that were etched with their names
that were laced up the wall.
Gently she pulled down from the walls each picture of him from the heart shaped collage.
By the time she was done.
She tore up and burned all poetry that was written to
or inspired by Him.
She would leave no trace of Him
or of what His love had created.
She looked around the house as it became more and more naked
and empty of His influence.
The world in which she was once safe-
where she once fit into it like a tight cocoon surrounding her
had so quickly become infested by Him--
Was overtaken and poisoned  by him-
The part of him that was left was all at her fingertips
yet completely out of reach to her.
And she wouldn't stop moving
or cleaning or undoing
until his love was but a memory.
After many hours and held back tears
the room was back to its old self.
Free of the cheery lovey decorations strewn all over.
Why was it though, she wondered as she pulled free the last of Him
that her heart grew heavier with pain and regret??
How could she feel worse now with all sight and sound of Him gone?
She knew the answer~
She had feared it from the first time she saw His smile beaming at her,
the first time He said,"I love you" to her as her heart strings let go a bit-
His love had broken through to her-
He had gone deeper and been there longer than anyone she'd allowed ever to dwell
within her heart.
Now what was left was broken. Shattered like no Love before had done.
She could remove him from her world where he had been in pictures
or written down
or caught in memories,
but she could not remove the Love she felt for Him from within.
Really he was gone before she ever even loved him.
He was never meant for her~
His heart had always belonged to another.
Difficult enough to lose him to another woman
or to his own heart being frightened,
but she lost him to a ghost-
A woman who no longer breathed or had a heart full of love to give him.
A memory that He could not feel nor touch yet chose over her...
She gave and lost all of her heart to a man who was lost in the world of yesterday
and no matter how much love she gave him with promises of today and tomorrow,
He couldn't see anything, no one but Her...His ghost...
So she decided it was time to close away all the memories of him.
She tied up the strings around her heart again,
this time so much tighter and with more care,
and she decided never to Love again.
She couldn't imagine giving her heart to anyone after Him.
There was no one who would ever be as close to her
or understand her as he did--
Even as he didn't give of himself to her completely he still was more than she ever felt,
closer than she ever knew..
As she locked away the rest of His being there with her she wondered,
He could love a ghost, why not her too??
What was it that she didn't give him that a person who didn't live could??

6-7-2011

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