~My Face Book Friends~
~I have been on face book for over a year now. Like most people on face book I have friends from high school, college,work, and relatives too. Unlike those groups listed though, I also have friends that were not made the conventional way, through meeting and becoming friends, but from adding them or being added to their friends list because of a common game we play on face book or a common interest or goal. I have been added by over a thousand people for Mafia wars, hundreds for Farm Ville and as many people for teams for Walk for The Cure, a face book application where people "walk" to raise money for research of a cure for cancer.
~While adding people and being added I have met people who I adore and hope to be real, life long friends with while others I have accepted as a friend and have not seen again since they were on my request page. I would love to get to know everyone of the over 1700 people but for many reasons it can be a difficult feat if not an impossible one.
~As many face bookers know there is a place on the main page where you can find whose birthday it is and say "happy Birthday" on that person's page. I have always tried to do this for every person who is celebrating but haven't always been successful...The other day I went through the list, sent a happy B-day greeting to each person (neither of which I knew personally or had the good fortune to get to know so far) then went about my day...a couple hours later I was confused as I read a message someone sent me on face book...
~The girl who sent the message was not on my list of friends and her message was, at first, very cryptic. I thought maybe she sent the right message to the wrong person. All it said was " "Joan died"(not her real name,I have taken out her name for anonymity)." She committed suicide." Then another message came in at that moment from the same girl. "she jumped off her flat to her death."
~ I was confused to say the least. Who was this girl she was speaking of, this Joan, with no last name, and why was this unknown woman telling me about this girl who killed herself? Loving all people I am always taken aback at their death,especially when they commit suicide. I was all at once sad to know that someone, this woman, has leaped to her death, that nothing in the world made her happy enough to live and yet I wondered if it was a joke. I responded to the message saying, "I'm sorry to hear this but I am not sure who you are speaking of. Who is Joan?"
~Then I tried to go off about my day feeling bad but I was pulled back to her, wondering who this girl was that had done such a sad, final thing to themselves and why I was being told about it at all. I started wondering, did I know this person and didn't realize? The name was not familiar, although she only told me the first name, I have only known one person with that name my entire life but not to the point where I would be hearing about her death today, at least not by a woman that lived in another country...That's when I started to look around.. I went to the woman's page, the one who had sent me the message. Because we weren't friends I could only see her front page but I did see that she had one person in common with me. It was a woman by the same first name she had messaged me about. We were both friends with this Joan, I clicked on this other woman's page and there it was, the answer..
~ Joan's page was full of other birthday messages, but most messages I couldn't read because they were in another language. There near the top was my message, "Happy Birthday Joan. I love your Profile pic, its gorgeous!! Have a great day!" Then I saw another message, in English above mine. It said, "Joan passed away May 21st, please be respectful what messages you leave."
~Oh my god, I thought, I had left a birthday message to a woman who had died. So many questions went through my head like, how long were we friends before she did this? Did we ever get to chat at all? Why were we friends, was it Farm Ville, WFTC, or just because one of us saw the other's name is our suggestions? Why did she friend anyone if she knew she didn't want to live? Was she hoping for some kind of connection to pull her back into the world again? Could I have done something to upset her at any time, could I have done something to help her if I had known?
~Of course, I am not ignorant, I know that something I can or can't do will not cause someone who is usually happy to kill themselves. No one has that power, thank goodness. Still, I can't help but think that if I had been a lot more careful about adding people, been more friendly and sent a message to each person every time saying something and introducing myself, I would not have had this happen...I would have known her better and I would have known that she had died....wouldn't I?
~Actually, now I realize, probably not. With over 1700 people leaving messages on the pages, putting up hearts and game application links, etc, its very easy not to see each message. Most people don't know this, but face book only has about ?250-500 people's messages show on the page (for each person's own account) unless you go to the settings and change it. Also, not being on face book everyday, I know I miss things all the time. I know that especially because there are people who I am friends with on and off FB who I overlook messages accidentally and/or because of the "traffic" of links and messages on there.
~I wish to say that I am sorry, to anyone and everyone who I have "friended" on face book who I have not formally introduced myself to or haven't gone into your page and gotten to know you better. I am sorry.Not that I think that you are missing out on knowing ME, lol, just that I think that we each have an obligation,if we are friending so many, to at least say hello and get to know each other. I have met a lot of wonderful people on Face Book who have enriched my life, who have read my poetry and blogs.People who, more than my own friends and family sometimes, have given me help and advice when I've been down. I never want to miss out on getting to know any of you again like I did with Joan.
~I think that Face Book and any and all social networks are great, especially for someone like me who has trouble leaving the house and being in public. I get to meet, know and talk to people at my own pace and in the comfort of my own home. I do care for each and everyone of my FB friends, now I want to take the time to be sure to get to know all of you. Thanks for reading and thank you for being a friend to me. I don't deserve you but I promise to try.
~Stacy J. Roosa
June 8, 2010
~While adding people and being added I have met people who I adore and hope to be real, life long friends with while others I have accepted as a friend and have not seen again since they were on my request page. I would love to get to know everyone of the over 1700 people but for many reasons it can be a difficult feat if not an impossible one.
~As many face bookers know there is a place on the main page where you can find whose birthday it is and say "happy Birthday" on that person's page. I have always tried to do this for every person who is celebrating but haven't always been successful...The other day I went through the list, sent a happy B-day greeting to each person (neither of which I knew personally or had the good fortune to get to know so far) then went about my day...a couple hours later I was confused as I read a message someone sent me on face book...
~The girl who sent the message was not on my list of friends and her message was, at first, very cryptic. I thought maybe she sent the right message to the wrong person. All it said was " "Joan died"(not her real name,I have taken out her name for anonymity)." She committed suicide." Then another message came in at that moment from the same girl. "she jumped off her flat to her death."
~ I was confused to say the least. Who was this girl she was speaking of, this Joan, with no last name, and why was this unknown woman telling me about this girl who killed herself? Loving all people I am always taken aback at their death,especially when they commit suicide. I was all at once sad to know that someone, this woman, has leaped to her death, that nothing in the world made her happy enough to live and yet I wondered if it was a joke. I responded to the message saying, "I'm sorry to hear this but I am not sure who you are speaking of. Who is Joan?"
~Then I tried to go off about my day feeling bad but I was pulled back to her, wondering who this girl was that had done such a sad, final thing to themselves and why I was being told about it at all. I started wondering, did I know this person and didn't realize? The name was not familiar, although she only told me the first name, I have only known one person with that name my entire life but not to the point where I would be hearing about her death today, at least not by a woman that lived in another country...That's when I started to look around.. I went to the woman's page, the one who had sent me the message. Because we weren't friends I could only see her front page but I did see that she had one person in common with me. It was a woman by the same first name she had messaged me about. We were both friends with this Joan, I clicked on this other woman's page and there it was, the answer..
~ Joan's page was full of other birthday messages, but most messages I couldn't read because they were in another language. There near the top was my message, "Happy Birthday Joan. I love your Profile pic, its gorgeous!! Have a great day!" Then I saw another message, in English above mine. It said, "Joan passed away May 21st, please be respectful what messages you leave."
~Oh my god, I thought, I had left a birthday message to a woman who had died. So many questions went through my head like, how long were we friends before she did this? Did we ever get to chat at all? Why were we friends, was it Farm Ville, WFTC, or just because one of us saw the other's name is our suggestions? Why did she friend anyone if she knew she didn't want to live? Was she hoping for some kind of connection to pull her back into the world again? Could I have done something to upset her at any time, could I have done something to help her if I had known?
~Of course, I am not ignorant, I know that something I can or can't do will not cause someone who is usually happy to kill themselves. No one has that power, thank goodness. Still, I can't help but think that if I had been a lot more careful about adding people, been more friendly and sent a message to each person every time saying something and introducing myself, I would not have had this happen...I would have known her better and I would have known that she had died....wouldn't I?
~Actually, now I realize, probably not. With over 1700 people leaving messages on the pages, putting up hearts and game application links, etc, its very easy not to see each message. Most people don't know this, but face book only has about ?250-500 people's messages show on the page (for each person's own account) unless you go to the settings and change it. Also, not being on face book everyday, I know I miss things all the time. I know that especially because there are people who I am friends with on and off FB who I overlook messages accidentally and/or because of the "traffic" of links and messages on there.
~I wish to say that I am sorry, to anyone and everyone who I have "friended" on face book who I have not formally introduced myself to or haven't gone into your page and gotten to know you better. I am sorry.Not that I think that you are missing out on knowing ME, lol, just that I think that we each have an obligation,if we are friending so many, to at least say hello and get to know each other. I have met a lot of wonderful people on Face Book who have enriched my life, who have read my poetry and blogs.People who, more than my own friends and family sometimes, have given me help and advice when I've been down. I never want to miss out on getting to know any of you again like I did with Joan.
~I think that Face Book and any and all social networks are great, especially for someone like me who has trouble leaving the house and being in public. I get to meet, know and talk to people at my own pace and in the comfort of my own home. I do care for each and everyone of my FB friends, now I want to take the time to be sure to get to know all of you. Thanks for reading and thank you for being a friend to me. I don't deserve you but I promise to try.
~Stacy J. Roosa
June 8, 2010
Hi Stacy, my dear! We have been FB friends for a while now and have developed a very nice relationship, I believe. :) You're words here are very wise and normal thoughts of a caring person - although almost all people just think them at one time or another. You took the positive step of writing them - which is a release from internalizing, and serves to allow you to let go. Well done, my friend!! :D
ReplyDeleteKnow that each person is responsible, first, to themselves. They have to do what they have to do; but, sometimes they don't do what they need to to find relief. I'm sure you are aware of this. My point is that you can't take responsibility for what others do with their lives, no matter what. When you know you've done your best at being a friend to everyone - done all you've been able to - you can be secure in knowing you are you and that you love, when and where you can. Is this making sense? hehe
You sent a birthday greeting... I don't know how anyone can put you down or criticize you for doing that. This person asking everyone to be respectful in what they say when what is being said is "Happy Birthday" by most, I think, is being a bit unrealistic. She's hurting, I'm sure, and doesn't realize what she is "demanding" is a bit much. If she just thought a minute, she would realize that probably the vast majority of well-wishers probably don't even know Joan has passed. How can they know they're suppose to censor what they say?!! O^O
In finality, it's okay to be sad for Joan - to grieve some. That's normal for a caring and giving person, as I KNOW you are. It's also okay to want to improve your relationships because of what your feelings are about regarding the Joan situation. But, just don't feel guilty about your Happy B-Day wish to her, hun, just because someone else makes a bit of a ridiculous comment. How could you know, after all - Joan didn't choose to confide in you - that's just the way it is. Go out and improve your relationships with your FB friends, but realize that with even 100 FB friends, it would be a daunting task to have an ongoing, even weekly, active relationship with each of them. In 2 words, I'm saying "Be Easy!" ;)
Love you lots, hun! You're up there in the top as my FB friend! I'm so blessed and honored to know you!! {{{{{{{{{{HHUUUGGGSSSS}}}}}}}}}}} ♥