~When Somebody Loves You ~

~If you are so proud that you would choose rather to be right than to be viewed by another as wrong but still with your Love....That you would rather be seen as strong than ever  be overheard saying that you made a mistake and you're sorry.. If you view your own imperfections and any apologies you might make as weakness or see the act of succumbing to your heart's longing as a loss of self integrity, then the loss of your love and the loneliness that you will inevitably swallow Is what you deserve and truly your greatest Weakness.~

~Love is not about how you are viewed by the world but rather how you can stick your nose up at it when you feel such love for a person that no one can understand. There is no place in this world where Love can hide~ No person is strong against love that won't be led by the heart into a place where love can make them do things they normally wouldn't, say words they didn't know they knew and feel emotions that are all at once the sweetest and yet,too, the most sour...

~If a man or woman can honestly step back and make sense of Love while loving, if they can separate themselves from their own heart, while in the midst of somersaulting into love with another human, they are either truly not in love, only in  "like" stage as of yet therefore being able to control themselves OR have the control of themselves,the power to love another person while being able to decide what they will feel, how much they will allow themselves to feel it and absolutely full of ego...I don't wish to meet or to be loved by the third. 

~I have really loved a few men in the uncontrollable, intense and no-turning-back manner that makes us all human(and embarrassing to be around most days).  I have gone from being level-minded and in touch with the world to doing things that I would never dream I had in me. Even mean, hurtful things. I am not proud of them and forever each time I remember hurting someone to get their attention or  to show them how much they've hurt me, I feel such a horrible lump in my stomach, a sorrow and want to apologize....Sadly being in love the first few times or even a hundred times in a hundred different ways can make us act stupid,impulsive and jealous. I have yet to meet a person who didn't act this way at least for one special person.
~One relationship I had was such a long-distance one that we lived on separate continents and never got to meet. Our time expired before we found out whether the "long-distance" love configured and fit into the real world. I felt like I would have walked the thousands of miles to meet him but he, if he felt the same, either hid his feelings very well or was able to control them. It would have all been simple if he simply told me that he didn't have feelings for me as anything other than a friend,period, but he wouldn't do that. He always used the line,"Maybe someday soon." See, he had lost his love to Cancer and didn't know himself if he could give himself to another that way. I played the fool trying to make him see me, always putting on a brave face but the truth is I was a mess. I was unsure of myself and that doubt did my head in with him. I would succumb to my doubts and the green-eyed monster would come out whenever he paid attention to another...He once told me that he and his last love never argued...Although he and I didn't "argue" I seemed to always be letting him down by needing more than just a far off "maybe someday". Once I feel that I have marred the paper on which our relationship is written, I never feel like I can fix it. I got down on myself, lost hope and began feeling like he was teasing me. I will never truly know if I was playing a fool for him...Was he having fun watching me try to compete with his deceased girlfriend? Did he have no intention whatsoever of having a relationship with me but liked to have me hanging on waiting?

 ~I decided one day that I was worth more than that. That to spite his broken heart over this woman who had sadly died, that if he didn't know a half a year in how he felt about me that he didn't feel anything. I felt like I deserved more than a half trying, cool and very collected man whose emotions for me seemed invisible. Sure, when I would let him know how I was feeling he would work his magic and say just enough to keep me around but never did he try to earn my love, respect or time. I wrote him a goodbye and walked away, proud of myself.

 ~The truth is that  whether he loved me and was scared or what, I'd rather be with a man who is so in love with me that he doesn't do the best at controlling his emotions and maybe he acts goofy and sometimes he gets jealous  than to be with a man who is so in control that he never really tells me how much I mean to him. With a man like that, and I have only met a few, it seems that their pride is keeping them from really, truly sharing their passion. I am passionate when I am in love...I want the person I love to be free of their pride, full of their emotions for me and never apologizing for how they feel. I am not apologizing and I don't care about how I appear to anyone but my love.

~ I have been in a few relationships where within a few days before a real connection could be made the guy would go to a place where no normal person could be in such a short period of time. Suddenly they are writing and/or dedicating every love song to me, writing love notes, surprising me with expensive roses and asking me to meet the family...Not even a week in and they are talking life-long commitment. There seems to be no in between sometimes. Either the guys I met were over-the-top-crazy,attentive,loons or they are so laid back that I have to check for a pulse....

~Was it me? I didn't want a relationship where romance was 24/7...I really just wanted a day to day relationship with a man who  I could talk to, who would share their feelings, who I'd catch sneaking looks at me because I was the most beautiful woman to them, who continued to tell me I was beautiful passed the 2 year mark, who picks me or buys me flowers just because once in a while and wants to have time alone with me...Tomorrow is my 13th anniversary to my husband Kevin. He is not over the top, he is not always romantic so  when he does do something romantic, it means so much. Men need to realize that for most women its not that we want the perfect dates full of candlelit dinners, flowers and chocolate(okay, I do want at least the chocolate) but really we are thrilled with something along the lines of a blanket thrown under a blooming cherry tree and a picnic lunch with lots of kissing and staring into each others eyes. 

~I have learned that with most men you have to ask for what you want and that as long as you are not too proud to do that, any man that truly loves you will make your dream date everything you want...So that's what I try to do...let go of the idea and lies that romantic movies give us women about the perfect man planning the perfect date. The only guys I know that go to all that trouble usually end up stalking us and we need a restraining order! Still, if a man really loves a woman, at least any man I care about (hint,hint...Kevin), then he may not always read our minds but when we do tell them what we'd like they try so hard to make it happen. I am lucky to have that with Kevin...5 minutes before our official 13th anniversary he came in the house from work with a dozen roses, a beautiful, heart-felt card and, yes, chocolate. That's love...

Stacy J. Roosa

June 15, 2010

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