Its the truth....

I am feeling very lonely, scared, unsure of my future and not too sure there will be a future. Whenever I try to "see" past the next few months its all black....I have never felt like that before. No matter how depressed I've been I have had the ability to see hope and a plan for the coming years. I want to get out of my house and my head and go to work but I don't know how to leave the house. I have applied for job after job on line but can't find a way to walk into a place and do the same thing I do on line...Filling out an application...How hard can it be? Then even the possibility of one of those jobs calling me in for a meeting...OMG, it makes my stomach hurt..Just thinking about an interview and then, if I get a job, the training, makes my heart start banging in my chest and my skin start to sweat. I can't breathe...

I can't breathe....

I can't figure out anymore how to live. It doesn't even make me sad anymore. It just makes me feel awful guilt for my children and my loved ones. It makes me angry with myself. I feel so useless. I don't want to be a victim of my fear anymore.


















Comments

  1. TatteredHokieMonday, February 20, 2012 10:40:00 AM

    Been there and it hurt so bad. Feeling useless and a failure. The guilt, oh! the GUILT. Want to hide and just disappear, become invisible. But then, when hope is practically gone, the sun shines through again. I've alive!

    Henry

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