Life Through The Eyes of Stacy

This is a list of things I've learned this year...that I hope and pray not to repeat in 2013. But hey, if I do, I am sure it won't be the end of the world! 1.  No matter how much you love someone, its not worth anything if you don't show them. People cannot read your mind~Or heart~for that matter. So I have learned and continue to see that I need to show my love. 2. A person can be good and yet do bad things. Judging someone based on one thing they did would be like cutting down a tree simply because a leaf falls off and dies. We are all made up of many branches and leaves...So give people a break. Which leads me to my next one... 3.NO ONE has the right to treat you like crap. Not your Mom or Dad, your Sister or brother, your Priest, teacher, boss or anyone else. This is a lesson I am still learning because it has to come from self esteem and self worth in order to believe in this and I am still working on mine. Regardless though of who they are and No matter what si...

What I wrote on fb last night: There were 27 deaths in the horrific shooting at  this elementary school in Connecticut, 20 of them children, some of them as young as 5...The oldest I believe was 12... Yet we should give attention and the spotlight to only 26 of them. The man who killed them should not be made the center of this anymo re. Have you noticed that each shooting gets worse? That it went from high schools to an elementary school? Those poor kids were barely old enough to know what hate is. Let's stop making each shooting as a goal for some person with a mental health issue to surpass....Forget "his" name! Except for the investigators who need to figure out the profile and life that may have led up to this man becoming a monster, we should only remember the names of these 26 innocent children and teachers. I hope the news will stop giving a spotlight to the man who caused all this death and disaster. We need to demand it by not watchin...

Its a very depressing night. My heart is heavy with sadness for the 20 children and 6 teachers killed today at Sandy Hook Elementary school. If I feel this way I can only imagine what the families of the kids and staff who were at the school during the horrific shooting. Then there are the family of the ones murdered. It must be such an unbearable and unreal feeling all at once. One minute you are going about your day after having sent your children off to school and not even a half hour later you are getting information that there was a shooting. I don't know what they are going through but my thoughts, prayers and my heart is with them...I came here to write in order to do the only thing I know how to when something like this happens. Imagine the thoughts of the parents and staff's family as the news registers..."Is my child/family member alright?" No one but those who have endured such news and fear of what might be can understand the thoughts that must rip thro...

I am so proud of anyone who chooses to change their life.. Of course it means more when a person does it because they want to and not just because a court or other person told them they needed to improve themselves. Still, once a person chooses to be a better person the reason why is not important.  And like this says above, the better you are the better the world with be because of you.  I agree with that completely. I never would stand in the way of anyone who was trying to fix their problems... I even welcome and sometimes ask for advice from a person who has succeeded in bettering themselves. It's when they begin to do it that is the tricky part...If they do what they want and need to do to make themselves happy and to feel like a more complete person, and if they are truly happy for doing it (without cheating, faking it or where they measure themselves differently than they would another,  then why do some people feel the need to put judgment on others??...

No matter how many new friends I make I do not feel complete without the friendships from my childhood and on that have helped to build and break me along the way  The people I have met recently are amazing, loving and giving people...Most would do anything for me and I am lucky to have each and everyone of them. I look forward to long, great friendships with them but that is where my hope fails me. My heart is aching because my past and present are like strangers.While I have dozens of people I still know and talk to from the past, I don't have many who I was close to then and am close to now, who just know me for who I have always been. I don't have to explain myself to them. They have memories of a Stacy before my onset of anxiety and depression and they know what to expect of me when I get back on track to getting better.It really is like missing pieces of a puzzle that is my life...What does it mean that my life is absent of a past filled with friendship? How can I be sur...

~Welcome...   Hi world...Or at least the small part of it who reads my words. You've either come here by choice, habit or because you happened to come across the link on my facebook page.No matter how you got here I am so very grateful to have you. Along with my own desire, you give me strength to carve these very words into paper and the hope that my words will matter .   It's been a very busy time lately. I haven't had much time for creativity or a clear enough mind to make sense for my readers of what images have come to me. Although I am not putting pen to paper, or fingers to key board as it is now, my muse is continuously keeping my thoughts in that poetic place...One second I am dusting the house and the next I am watching a spider weave its way across the corner of my bedroom to create a web. Both of us too intent on watching the creation, we don't notice each other..I find I must stop what I am doing to watch this artist do its work and to spite my ...

Over the 38 years of my life I have entrusted and shared my soul and friendship with too many people who have taken what I've given and thrown it out into the abyss of darkness...There are too many people to count for whom I have given myself completely, whether as a friend or more, who acted like what I gave them, what secrets and trust I shared, was worth little more than a broken gift. I am sick and I am tired and I feel like I have nothing left to give. I ache for familiarity and the ease of what trusting someone over a long period of time feels like. I have nothing left inside to give and no way to know how to trust again. While I know I should not live in the past, I should be able to draw happy memories from it and be able to look at the same people in the present who helped get me those moments of happiness...I search and search but there are few people left. The ones who are around I can only talk to via the internet.. Its said we should learn from the past so we don'...

My face book status today: " After I made the very difficult decision to leave my husband and end a 15 year marriage about a year ago, I lost many friends and, it seems, some of my own family's love and respect...I very rarely get even a "hello" e-mail returned to me. I was once told by an aunt how financially crazy it was of me to leave him and that I should beg him to come back to me. No, I said, I chose to be safe physically even if I have to be "poor". And mentally I needed to be free of the roller coaster of emotions. The loss of my family and friends support has hurt worse than the marriage's end and its been burning its way through my heart and stomach lining. Now that its said I feel free. Thank you to the people who have stood by me...You may not have agreed with my decision or even knew the reasons behind them, but you didn't need reasons...You simply loved and supported me without asking for anything in return. You know who you are. ♥...

Just saw a commercial on television about Opioid addiction (addiction to pain medications) and a treatment that is being offered...the link that the ad gives is: http://turntohelp.com/starting_treatment/#find_treatment_resources Their byline is this: "Opioid dependence is a real medical condition. It’s very common, and can happen to anyone. You are not alone." The site goes over the meaning of addiction, the many medications that one can become addicted to and several ways they are offering to help from the doctors office to in patient treatment to everything in between. While I am really glad to see that the health system and doctors are finally seeing that addiction to opioids is a everyday persons issue and that its real, I am frustrated with the doctors who give these pain meds like candy then become judgmental and rip their patients off of it when they have the gull to become addicted. Very few people take medications looking to become addicted. As any...

The home where I grew up and knew for over 30 plus years is going. Its being taken because my father has decided to let it go. Its a bittersweet time now because while I will miss it in so many ways and feel like yet another link to my deceased mother is gone, I also feel like when its not ours to visit any longer we all may feel free of the pain. When we found Mom in the passenger seat of her SUV barely holding onto life that cold day in February in 2008 I recall taking her purse inside and putting it on the table. After all, I thought I would be coming back in the next few hours on Mom's request to get it along with some of her personal items so that her stay at the hospital would be more comfortable. This had happened enough times before--the first time when my Mother was 47 and suffered her first heart attack--so I'd almost come to terms with what the next steps would be after calling an ambulance or bringing her ourself to the E.R. Little did I know as I locked the door...

Kids don't always understand that their bedtime is as important as eating, learning and breathing...for them and for me. I have been a stay-at-home Mom most of their lives except for a few months here and there to work.Just like with most parents I have worried and stressed over them from the minute they were born... I've fretted over everything from their health to their happiness and everything in between.When their hearts get broken mine does too.When they are hungry I give up my food to them.They want to go out with their friends all the time and now in the summertime I either have them under foot or I am begging them to spend time with me.So when night time comes around I just want to sit down, grab a book or write some poetry and actually breathe without any worries of anything.They are in bed so I know that they are about as safe as they can be...But every night since summer started they have wanted to stay up as late as possible.They suddenly want to talk, eat and make...

For almost half of my life I have loved, married and shared parenting duties with one man. When the end came  it was not like turning off a light switch. If it had been both his and my life would certainly have been easier emotionally. Still, real love cannot just be switched off anymore than the memories that intermingled and carried us through those 15 years of marriage. If Love is like a river then marriage, I suppose, would be the ocean...If both people have mutual respect, love and compassion for the other, the sea can fill and, in time, hopefully, over flow with love and bliss. Yet when one or both of the partners pulls back and meanders off course, whether because they are selfish, scared to love or whatever the reason may be, the ocean becomes dangerously low and soon dries up. To say our marriage had stopped flowly and that the ocean was dry is quite of an understatement. On my side of things I felt like I kept forcing my love, shoving all the hope and sweetness and wha...

~There's a voice in me calling out to be heard. It was born when I was first molested as a young child and has been building with time. The voice once like an animal scratching at its cage, is now hollering in need to be heard. Wisdom has been growing slowly but very strong in all the pain. Its always there-the words in me and I don't always know what I am going to say. Yet with  pen or keyboard in hand that voice finally feels free to tell my story. Not always backed by enough years at school, my voice can lose strength at times  but where I might lack the easiness at what words I should choose, I never lack the honesty or the sincerity of what has happened to this body, and in turn, my heart and mind, Yes, I too fear judgment from my readers but know that anyone who comes to this place for the right reasons will not walk away questioning why they came. There cannot be any judge of someone's experience with being molested.  ~Why was I molested as a 7 year old? Why wa...

In Massachusetts in order to get a divorce if you have kids under 18 you have to take a parenting class. I took the class a year ago today. It cost $80 and was about 4 hours long.I cannot file divorce papers until my husband does his part.Its been a year yet my husband has NOT signed up or done anything to take the class.Just like when I was with him for the 15 years, my life is being controlled by him..Time to ask the courts to light a fire under his a$$ so I can move on finally.

To spite what I believed for so many years and through one failed relationship after another, it can be so easy to put someone out of your life after a break up...That is unless you two have kids together.  Even though you no longer live together in the same house and there may be animosity and hurt between you, two people who have kids need to find a way passed their own emotions in order to co-parent. I thought it would be easy. After all, my ex and I were brought us similarly with many of the same house rules and values so what would change. I never even fathomed any part of parenting from different houses would be difficult...Until he met "her" and she got his claws in him. Whether he has let go of all of our shared promises out of anger for me leaving him (like our kids going to an out of area school and dealing with the work that comes along with it in order to give our kids a smaller and more safe education), or because its not what his girlfriend wants, my ex has sud...