Life Through The Eyes of Stacy

As night closes in I find myself in the same place as I have been so many nights before... Feeling lonely and misunderstood, broken and irreparable, I look to Him for an answer~ For he is my Love, my baby, my world. I ask him so honestly, "How are you so certain that tomorrow I will love you? How do you make yourself believe that I will not go away and abandon you and our Love?" Speaking of Love itself, with a tone so loving and untouched by frustration, He explains what love is as if talking to someone who has never before felt it... He tells me all of the ways he knows I love him... He reasons that this kind of love does not just go out like a light~ It will not be extinguished except if by the worst kind of damage that only lying or cheating could do. "I can see it there in your eyes, how you look at me." He says, "Its there in the way you listen as I talk. Not just to what I am saying but my words and the way I express myself. I feel it w...

Sometimes when a person falls out of love there are no warning signs. It just seems to turn off as quickly as it came on...The other person is always left to gather up the pieces of their heart with so many huge question marks that may never get answered like "When did you stop loving me?", "What did I do wrong?" "Why didn't I notice?". Then sometimes when we look back signs do appear. Little things, big things, things that seemed normal at the time but now make sense that were part of a deeper meaning. Maybe he stopped trying hard.  There were no more early morning or late night chats. Suddenly he has excuses for why his once unlimited attention is now being swallowed up many other things. And its not as if you wanted him to be at your beckon call, but you wanted to feel special again. You want what he gave you to begin with or at least a fraction of it. Why is it that we always do the worst thing, we blame ourselves. Maybe he thinks he loves you ...

A poem to me by Jesse  Love looking at me I look at her and see Her looking back at me. I see the wonder and love there As if I am looking at a mirror. I see that glow from those eyes. They are blue. No, they are green. I see a wonderful soul Lost in my eyes. We share a look that shows our love. A love that has blossomed from nothing As if it was always meant to be; A love that was missing. We both feel our love so sweet. I know that we are one. I feel it everyday When I look into those eyes. I can sit and feel her love oozing from her stare. The love that I need, the love that I am longing for. Yet as we are not near each other... Yes we have miles between us. Even though it is so I see that love as if it was right next to me. I can look at that face To see my love returned to me. I know it is there, I see it in those eyes. I love her and she loves me. I know this is true. I know this bec...

Baby, look into my eyes... See yourself there where you live projected straight from my heart. You tell me maybe I'd be happy without you. Maybe without the worry of our someday you think I would be able to smile. All I know is that you are my reason to smile. It's like I have lost all sight for anyone but you~ All taste for anything that is not you... I cannot even hear the voices of other men anymore. Baby, its you. When I can't sleep its you that gives me peace. When I can't fight anymore and my arms are so tired its you that gives me strength. You are the first thing that touches my mind in the morning and the last thought that kisses my eyelids goodnight. I do worry about our someday~ I wonder when, where, how and most of all will I make you as happy for the rest of your life as you've made me in these few short months? I wonder when you are silent if you want me in your life or if I am simply a distraction. And when I tell you how muc...

When you've spent most of your life feeling like you weren't worth anything you tend to surround yourself with people who don't feel or show much respect for you. It's taken a lot of time and tears and I'm always going to have to work on myself, but I've found now with some self esteem as well as self respect that I've met a man who loves me better than I've ever imagined. It's true, you must love yourself first to give and feel true love! I don't know why or when it happened but as a kid I became scared of people abandoning me...I have carried it with me and even to this day I let my self-doubt control my life. I can't count how many people I have pushed straight out of my life out of fear of them pushing me out first. Friends, boyfriends, relatives...I was so frightened of losing people I purposefully (unconsciously) lost them first.  I am so very lucky to be in a relationship with a man who is understanding and patient. I imagine whe...

~I am confused and feeling very lonely...I can't stop crying yet I don't want to. It feels good to finally get this all out. I am not confused about my feelings regarding the ending of my marriage but instead how easy it was for my husband to walk away and start over. Like he just switched off a light...I am frightened too about my future...  I still have the most difficult time seeing my life outside of this house and away from Kevin. Its all I've known for almost 17 years.  Even though I know that even being alone would feel better than staying here, I still fear failure. ~More than the fear I have for losing my life as I know it I am so very scared of losing the one person who seems to get me and accept me as I am.Only 5months in and he knows more about me than most people.Often I don't have to say a word yet he knows what I am feeling. Its wonderful to have that with someone finally. ~I often feel like I don't deserve to be loved or to be happy. That's w...

For those of you who read my poem today through this blog I want to follow it up with a comment. I am in the middle of so very much emotional turmoil because of my pending divorce as well as trying to live together in peace with him for the sake of the kids and on top of that,for anyone who really knows me, I am lucky enough to have fallen in love. I am not very good at hiding my feelings when something feels off to me. In that way you can say I am very impulsive. What I wrote about is something that was real to me in the moment but has more to do with my own expectations and doubt than with what was really going on. I realize  that I am so wrapped up in the hurt and let down of my past that I tend to only see what is negative...I've missed the truth of what is real. I suppose after many years of feeling like I was not worthy of love or even part of what love means that I didn't see what was honest and real right in front of my face. I see it now thanks to my baby who loves me ...

~Someday down the road you might just stop in the middle of a thought and wonder, "How did I lose her, my wife of 14 years? Why did she go?" My own words might even come to you too and maybe this time you will listen unlike the other hundred times you didn't... ~I am leaving for the same reason that I am sitting out here alone writing to a computer-because all the pain and joy that is inside of my heart went unheard by you. I tried so many times, even tonight, to reach out to you. I explained in every way I knew how to that I feel alone. There were and are no magic words to say. I wasn't even looking to you for an answer. All I really wanted all those many times was to have you reach out to me, to take me in your arms and tell me that I am going to be okay and that you will always stand beside me. I truly don't understand why those words were so difficult for you to say. I've even told you on many occasions the words I was searching for. But how many times w...