~You Will Never Leave Me?~

I cannot remember the last time I felt a real smile
pull my lips from this frown...
Cannot recall the last time I laughed for real
so hard that my stomach hurt from it.
It's been so long since hope
visited me.
Like a bird it used to wing itself tired
when you were here with me...
Now, it lays limp and sad
and whimpers.
I haven't felt the sizzle of wonder
nor the explosion of happiness
that I once did at the mere sight of you.
When you went away from me,
when you left me for
"My own good"
I lost all reason.
Why did you come find me
and make me love you
if you were never going to stay?
You were not willing to put your own heart on the edge
so I could rescue it for you.
Yet you were willing to let me put mine there,
to let me hurt,
let me feel the pain of love and loss...
All I gave only to find that you were never even going to try.
This is the flower of hope
that you planted and cultivated
here in the barren soil
that once was my garden...
It is now just a dying bud.
Why would you plant it
and grow it here
in my already fragile heart
and leave me with only tears
to feed it?
I needed the sun,
I needed you
to feed my hope, to rescue my heart from the fall.
Yet you turned and left
just like you said you wouldn't...
Now you are gone
and I am but a shell,
a box of myself
with the broken pieces rattling inside.
I have nothing to give,
nothing to smile or hope for
without you.

Stacy J Roosa

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