Life Through The Eyes of Stacy

Throughout my life when things were good and bad, when I was depressed or happy, through the utter amazement and happiness over the birth of both of my children, and the day in June 13 years ago when I became the wife  to a wonderful,sweet and giving man that I love...Then to my parents illnesses,my Dad's loss of memory and the night I lost my Mom, I have always looked outward for both validation and comfort.To spite my own strength and the simple fact of all I have dealt with on my own, I still can't see~or won't recognize~ my own worth... I have dealt with so many things including my own share of ups and downs. In the end I imagine I will look back on my life with great happiness and fulfillment for my loved ones, family and all the friends  I've loved. I,too, will have words of wisdom for others regarding my own experiences with being abused and hurt as well as many other difficult situations. W...

Here I am on a Tuesday afternoon sitting across from a doctor, a psychologist, on the second floor of a building in Pittsfield. Outside in the hallway,also called the waiting room, is my husband and two kids. I can hear them chattering quietly. The woman is more into the questions she is reading to me off a state-mandated questionaire then she is in what is truly going on in my life. For the next 50 minutes,an hour to psychologists,I have to prove that I am sick enough for the state to help me.I have a whole 50 mintues to attempt to cram into the air,and her onto her clipboard,everything in my life that has played a part in making me depressed,an agoraphobic, anxiety-ridden, and all plus the issues with my degeneritive disc disease in my back, messed up vertabrae, fibromyalsia,migraine headaches, carpal tunnel in both hands,knee issues and on and on. First the doctor turns the fan on. Is it okay she asks. Its an old building with dark stained door frames and the usual boring stained ...

I don't love you. I don't think I ever did. I loved the you I thought you were, the you that you made yourself seem like ~~A good,patient,loyal, ethical and morally good person  full of love and hope,wise beyond your years and giving...I was going through the most difficult time in my life...My Mother had died, my Father was so ill he was unable to recognize his own family,my siblings suffering from Moms loss,my marriage being tested by all of the above,my kids suffering the loss of their Nana and Papa,the loss of my career, and childhood struggles resurfacing etc.... You offered me friendship and I saw in you what you pretended to be. I suppose it was easy for you to fool me because what I saw was what I also needed you to be...It was never a conscious choice to betray my own view of what you are. I believed what I saw in you with my own eyes, heart and I said what I believed. Sadly, I was not looking through clear eyes...Now you are gone and you refuse to talk to me.At first ...

I wrote m very first poem when I was in 4th grade(I believe)...My teacher,Mr. Spraugue. said he loved the poem so much that he entered me into a magazine. I don't think it was published. I never tried again until I was in 11th grade when My English teacher told me I should try for The Susquehanna University's Literary Magazine.  She warned me that they only published about 2,000 poems,stories and phots total of the over 20,000 entries they received...It was enough of a warning to halt me but she was so wonderful and so supportive that she "held my hand" through the whole experience...The first year I sent one poem in... I received a letter that stated that they would be using my poem if there was room. The 2nd year I tried(in 12th grade) I sent in a few poems and they were both published right away. My teacher loved to boast that I was the first student at our High school, Mt Greylock Regional, that was ever published in the Susquehanna University magazine. She even...

If Love is a liquid that can fill one's heart fuller and fuller until it overflows then what is hate? Although not the opposite word, it is, at least for me, the opposite emotion... For Love is like warm sunshine sprites and a cool flooding of a waterfall; It is like the sweetest juice and the most sumptuous food while still being free and intangible. Love is the flutter of a butterfly's wings and the halt of the coldest rain and never just one thing but everything all at once. But Hate? It is an illness, the very disease that eats our bones and body. For it empties Hope so slowly but so completely until what's left is not only an empty vessel but an imploded one. Hate is dark space that is not just devoid of light but is dripping with itself, a darkness that is as deep as it is long which echoes for miles. When Love has run dry and Hope goes too all that is left is disdain and the monster that we call Hate. When Love is in question ev...

~Today on face book I came across the status of a woman who is an acquaintance.It's funny that of the many people that I have added over the last year, it's not my relatives,friends or schoolmates that I share true emotional dialogue with but perfect strangers...People I've added to FB or have added me solely based on the fact that we play the same farm game or support the same research for diseases. I'm not sure if I am more sad that the people I grew up with take little notice in my  day to day dilemmas or if I am more thrilled that people who I hardly know from all over the world reach out to me without a second thought. ~This acquaintance was speaking about the loss of her own Mother in 1994 and the sadness she felt as she realized that her Mother was no longer around to help her see her way through life. I reached out to her, told her that I was sorry for her loss and that I, too, know what its like to want to go to my Mother for advice but hear only my own sad v...

Sometimes more like a death than a beginning, Love can be all consuming, gluttonous and selfish, It comes in offering to dance with the heart but when it finally leaves it has stolen in its teeth the muscle along with the health and sanity of the mind.. Often full of pride and unsure of its own voice Love can move along quietly and shy~ It can come in from the cold and within the night barely whisper its existence yet stomp on a heart with its exit. It is not a hole one falls into or a crack we trip over and yet we speak of Love as "falling", as a lovely,serendipitous accident or a graceful tumble into life-long emotional love giving. It is one act, one moment of almost unbearable need. It is a race of ohIhopehe/shemissesme andcan'tlivewithoutme made romantic with flowers and dates. Then the time of chase is over when one of us is caught and its the ending of everything that is control and calm to keep up in the crazy world of emotional tangoing, On...

~Let it be known that while my predator teases and stalks me, I do nothing but stand tall and allow the truth to fill and free me. Instead of wasting my time and talent disproving every lie she's told and every story she's concocted, I've cut my own tongue in attempt to keep quiet. ~Let it be known that the truth has its own body and does its own fighting, that even though I have the ink to honestly tell her story I chose peace and love. ~Let it be seen that instead of falling into the traps and bait she has laid out so that when I stopped to take the chance to speak out she could bite down into my skin, I stared her down with silence. And that I,strong with the truth, unwavering with the reality of her chase, never let my anger move or intice me. It would be like child's play teasing her as she has done to me; It would be so easy to sit and wait until I got her in my site then as she goes for the prize she wants,my pride, to turn and stomp down on he...

I am a woman, a wife, a mother and friend as well as a daughter and sister,writer and poet,lover of animals and nature. I truly live my life aspiring to help others. Whether through writing,or by talking it out with another human,I feel that my place in this world is to at least try to soothe anothers concerns and fears. There are people in the world that,while they are not all bad,they have had things happen,people coddle them or simply have learned to make only themselves number one. I am not sure why, or when the moral voice in their head died,but they seem to view the world and the people in it as only a stepping stone to what they want. They may lie and steal, they may threaten and fight, but at the end of the day when the sun has snuggled into the mountains and then away and all that is left is darkness what voice is left in that place where there used to be a conscience? I wonder this and have since I was old enough to know what a conscience was. Like most people I worried a...

Thank you to all of you who have always given me wonderful and helpful feedback to my blogs. If you are wondering where my last blog went I took it off. Not because I feel that I said or wrote anything wrong, but because it hurt someone to have the truth be told. I am not living in this world with this voice and fueled by a passion to write pushing me on so that I can hurt people. Although my blogs are only my opinions, only my view of things happening and detailed by what I know to be true, the truth in this case is not worth the hurt. And even though others have lied, I will be the bigger person,as always, and let it go...The truth will prevail on its own anyway. ~I am in a country that boasts freedom of speech. Especially when it comes to instances that include writing about myself, I have never written a word in order to try to make another human feel pain. Instead I want only to help,inspire and love other people through my words. I will tell my ...

When written words from a poem or story dissolve from their stiff fonts on paper to form vivid, clear images in reach of the reader, the writer is born again and in that moment their voice is found. And if in simply reading their words you are moved to tears, anger or transported back to another time, the writer has given a gift but receives their own~Your eyes. ~Stacy J Roosa~