Poem ~If You Wonder Where I Went~



It seems you're wondering where I've went
and you are looking.
I am here far from you hiding.
I had dreams of finally finding happiness
with you,
of being in love and loved,
finally,
by someone
who was drawn to, respected
and adored me.
-A man who could see the world
through my words
and wouldn't try to fix it
but instead help me color it brightly
with hope
and fully
with love.
If you are wondering where I went
you weren't listening.
I told you that my heart was breaking,
that I was never going to be able to love again
after you
and my heart is holding me to that promise firmly.
You are but just another man in this world
letting me fall.
...Another person who showed me what could be
then gave me what was so much less.
Another heart that closed itself to my love
before you truly ever let it in.
Whether because you are not interested,
not ready
or just plain scared,
you flirted with my happiness
then stabbed it
with your reality's edge.
I cannot face you another day
acting as if your long absenses
or coldness towards me
make any sense
when YOU were the one who pushed
ME away but promised me
friendship.
Almost everything you once told me
was a lie.
Now that I know that I was never more to you
than any other woman,
how can I give you any of me?
Please, stop coming here
and get on with your life.
Don't try to be friends with me
because you feel badly.
You don't deserve the pleasure of seeing the pain
that you caused me.
You don't deserve
the friendship that I could share.
So, if you are wondering where I have gone
remember
what your own advice to me was
at one of our many conversations
laced with your lies;
what you yourself told me~
That I am worth more than what people
in my life are treating me like,
that I deserve real love and happiness
and someone to make my dreams come true...
Your own words warn me against YOU...
In case you wonder where I went.

~Stacy J. Roosa

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