Always Being Let Down
It's sad to think that a loved one is always letting me down. Whether its because they hurt another loved one or didn't give me the time I am hoping for, it seems almost a sure bet that someone I care about is going to do or say (or not say) something to hurt me. So, this is where one of life's many wise saying comes in. We can't change other people only change how we react to what other people do (or some variation of that). I am forever feeling like I have to be the one to change~As a kid when I was needed to be the "good kid" because my brother was almost always in trouble with the police, as a teenager when I was depressed and had to hide my cutting so as not to draw attention to myself (which by the way, cutting is for several reasons, one of them being for attention) and now as an adult who is married with children and a family that is going all different ways but forward it seems. I know, "boo hoo" me, there are worse things to have like a disease or to be living in a country where all freedoms are stifled. Ofcourse that is true BUT I don't have a disease and I don't live in such a country and if I did I imagine my thought processes and reactions would not be my main concern but lucky for me, the worst thing I deal with is being a survivor of rape, molestation and now a woman who tries to deal with how those things affect my view of the world. We all have our own hang ups and imperfections. I admit that I have many but as a person I think I am pretty okay. i adore my kids and teach them to be good people,I smile at strangers, I would give anyone "the shirt off my back", I try to think about others before I think of myself and more often than not, I give way too much of my energy to other people's plights, needs and what they think of me.
~So its something I strive for in life~ Not to judge people and not to expect more than they can give. Like I have mentioned before, My wise Mother always told me not to measure people's love but to take it as it is. In other words, in my case, if I fell in love with a man and he for me, I would be upset when I felt that I would go to the ends of the earth for him and do anything he wanted me to without thought for myself or my own needs yet the same man supposedly feeling the same for me wouldn't take much notice of what I'd given up to be with him and wouldn't even take a day off from his mother to spend with me. So, I would be standing there having given up college classes and friends and on and on but he would have all my love plus everything he came to the relationship with. Whose fault is it? MINE. Love isn't about giving things up or leaving other people behind. Another wise person once told me that her relationship with her husband was like this~She was an individual, herself doing everything she did just as she was before they met as well as her husband was himself...happy as themselves, doing what they loved and then together they were a couple giving and taking equally.(I remember the way she said it it was much more poetic but from me, trying to explain it now its not so easy but the idea is there.) As a couple for instance I should be me doing what makes me happy, doing things I need to do to remain and build myself as a person and my husband should do the same for himself. In the middle where we meet as spouses, lovers and parents we both as individuals should meld as one complimenting eachother yet never taking or giving too much...Finding a balance is tough but its there.
~I have had friends in my life that I couldn't imagine my world without where these ideas have gone straight "out the window." Looking back I was miserable. I was forever giving and, whether they realized it or not, they were always taking. Our time together would end with me feeling used and sad while they most likely either had no idea that I was left to feel that way or they began to lose respect for me because I was showing no respect for myself. I recently had to put the brakes on a relationship that was very much like that. When our time together would end I felt so lonely and I would wonder if they knew that I had given all of my energy to keeping our conversation going.I was telling them everything, asking so many questions to get to know them but they were silent most of the time.I was already under their self made rule that I suddenly wasn't to speak about my feelings for the relationship when before I could so when the time would come to talk I felt very cautious yet resentful at being stifled. (There is that word again). I realized that until I could be on the same level of expectation I could not continue the relationship.
~The truth is that no matter how emotionally driven you are as a person there are special friends who will adore it about you and not try to change or quiet you. Finding friends like that, as any friends these days, can be tough but completely worth it. We each are each worth good friends who are trustworthy and as giving as we are. Don't settle, please! I did and I promise I won't ever again!
~Stacy J Roosa
~So its something I strive for in life~ Not to judge people and not to expect more than they can give. Like I have mentioned before, My wise Mother always told me not to measure people's love but to take it as it is. In other words, in my case, if I fell in love with a man and he for me, I would be upset when I felt that I would go to the ends of the earth for him and do anything he wanted me to without thought for myself or my own needs yet the same man supposedly feeling the same for me wouldn't take much notice of what I'd given up to be with him and wouldn't even take a day off from his mother to spend with me. So, I would be standing there having given up college classes and friends and on and on but he would have all my love plus everything he came to the relationship with. Whose fault is it? MINE. Love isn't about giving things up or leaving other people behind. Another wise person once told me that her relationship with her husband was like this~She was an individual, herself doing everything she did just as she was before they met as well as her husband was himself...happy as themselves, doing what they loved and then together they were a couple giving and taking equally.(I remember the way she said it it was much more poetic but from me, trying to explain it now its not so easy but the idea is there.) As a couple for instance I should be me doing what makes me happy, doing things I need to do to remain and build myself as a person and my husband should do the same for himself. In the middle where we meet as spouses, lovers and parents we both as individuals should meld as one complimenting eachother yet never taking or giving too much...Finding a balance is tough but its there.
~I have had friends in my life that I couldn't imagine my world without where these ideas have gone straight "out the window." Looking back I was miserable. I was forever giving and, whether they realized it or not, they were always taking. Our time together would end with me feeling used and sad while they most likely either had no idea that I was left to feel that way or they began to lose respect for me because I was showing no respect for myself. I recently had to put the brakes on a relationship that was very much like that. When our time together would end I felt so lonely and I would wonder if they knew that I had given all of my energy to keeping our conversation going.I was telling them everything, asking so many questions to get to know them but they were silent most of the time.I was already under their self made rule that I suddenly wasn't to speak about my feelings for the relationship when before I could so when the time would come to talk I felt very cautious yet resentful at being stifled. (There is that word again). I realized that until I could be on the same level of expectation I could not continue the relationship.
~The truth is that no matter how emotionally driven you are as a person there are special friends who will adore it about you and not try to change or quiet you. Finding friends like that, as any friends these days, can be tough but completely worth it. We each are each worth good friends who are trustworthy and as giving as we are. Don't settle, please! I did and I promise I won't ever again!
~Stacy J Roosa
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