When Its Over
Sometimes we make things as hard as possible for ourselves. Take me for example...Instead of giving up on people who have let me down once and others who break my heart a hundred times,I leave the door to my world open for them with the hope that they will come in and,believing they will change the same behaviors that led them to leave or to have me kick them out in the first place,I have a naive hope(again)that they will stop being selfish and think of others before themselves for a change...How many times should a person give a chance to another human being before finally putting their foot down and saying enough?
And how many times do I have to make the same mistake before I stop letting people use my heart as a welcome mat for them to wipe their feet on and mistreat me?
Here's the good news. I have closed every door,window and access way that I had for a certain friend. Here's even greater news,since I did, I have been happier.healthier and my outlook is more positive. If there is any bad news its not mine but the other person's. Maybe someday they will realize that I am no longer holding the doors ajar with hope.find it locked to them and actually realize what they lost. Either way its no longer my problem.What a huge relief.
On top of that I am finally in the frame of mind where the truth doesn't hurt anymore.The deal is simple-If I offered my heart to someone and they use,abuse and hurt me then turn the tables on me by putting the reason for our demise on my issues than its apparent that person or people are not a good person for me anyway. I should not have to explain myself, excuse my behavior.give reasons for my actions.Even if I do something wrong and hurt another human,my being sorry and saying so should be enough. I should NOT have to grovel in order to "earn" someones friendship back...We all make mistakes,go crazy,do things that aren't the best...
I am in a good place,getting healthier,working on writing a novel (both fiction and non-fiction novel(s)). If I do great and get published,if I earn money and popularity and a future of writing the only people who will benefit from it,who I will allow to benefit from it,will be the people who stayed by my side through the good and the bad.The others? Well, they can kiss my a#@!
If I pour my heart and soul into these novels and all I get is a big fat no then I will still be loved and admired by the people who really love me and really care...They won't leave me because I messed up or failed.They won't go silent,ignoring me at my time of need. The people who have?? Well, I wish them a good life,I hope they live long,healthy and happy yet they won't be the one I call to share my great news, my tears or anything at all anymore,ever again. They did nothing truly wrong by not loving me,by not caring for me as they said they did. Its their problem and no longer mine. I am happy their true colors came out now and not later at a high peak or low blow in my life. I have no room nor the lack of heart for hate so I will go on and soon forget them. That is what is owed,what I will do. Even my feelings of true love and friendship have limits~And when you take my friendship,my heart and my time and throw it away like a joke,like a waste of your time, you don't deserve my heart and no more thoughts from me. Know that if you had treated me well, and if you had been there for me,made room for mistakes and time for my heart to mend I would have given you 100% of me,happiness,admiration and all the love that I could give...When I love I do so deeply and with all I have and am. My love knows that.That is all that matters to me. Goodbye past...I WON'T miss you, I promise!
~Stacy J. Roosa
July 8,2010
And how many times do I have to make the same mistake before I stop letting people use my heart as a welcome mat for them to wipe their feet on and mistreat me?
Here's the good news. I have closed every door,window and access way that I had for a certain friend. Here's even greater news,since I did, I have been happier.healthier and my outlook is more positive. If there is any bad news its not mine but the other person's. Maybe someday they will realize that I am no longer holding the doors ajar with hope.find it locked to them and actually realize what they lost. Either way its no longer my problem.What a huge relief.
On top of that I am finally in the frame of mind where the truth doesn't hurt anymore.The deal is simple-If I offered my heart to someone and they use,abuse and hurt me then turn the tables on me by putting the reason for our demise on my issues than its apparent that person or people are not a good person for me anyway. I should not have to explain myself, excuse my behavior.give reasons for my actions.Even if I do something wrong and hurt another human,my being sorry and saying so should be enough. I should NOT have to grovel in order to "earn" someones friendship back...We all make mistakes,go crazy,do things that aren't the best...
I am in a good place,getting healthier,working on writing a novel (both fiction and non-fiction novel(s)). If I do great and get published,if I earn money and popularity and a future of writing the only people who will benefit from it,who I will allow to benefit from it,will be the people who stayed by my side through the good and the bad.The others? Well, they can kiss my a#@!
If I pour my heart and soul into these novels and all I get is a big fat no then I will still be loved and admired by the people who really love me and really care...They won't leave me because I messed up or failed.They won't go silent,ignoring me at my time of need. The people who have?? Well, I wish them a good life,I hope they live long,healthy and happy yet they won't be the one I call to share my great news, my tears or anything at all anymore,ever again. They did nothing truly wrong by not loving me,by not caring for me as they said they did. Its their problem and no longer mine. I am happy their true colors came out now and not later at a high peak or low blow in my life. I have no room nor the lack of heart for hate so I will go on and soon forget them. That is what is owed,what I will do. Even my feelings of true love and friendship have limits~And when you take my friendship,my heart and my time and throw it away like a joke,like a waste of your time, you don't deserve my heart and no more thoughts from me. Know that if you had treated me well, and if you had been there for me,made room for mistakes and time for my heart to mend I would have given you 100% of me,happiness,admiration and all the love that I could give...When I love I do so deeply and with all I have and am. My love knows that.That is all that matters to me. Goodbye past...I WON'T miss you, I promise!
~Stacy J. Roosa
July 8,2010
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