My Jesse
I met Jesse several years ago on facebook. He had posted a status about the sudden loss of wife several years before and how difficult it was on him. I reached out to him to send my condolences as I had lost my Mom around the same time. We formed a quick friendship and soon we were spending many hours on line messaging each other through facebook and Skype.
Our relationship was complicated because of the 3,000 miles between us but other than that it was so very easy and simple. We'd listen to music and watch movies on line together. Sometimes I would just sit and watch him get his fishing equipment together for his trip the next day. He'd watch me watching television or cooking dinner for the kids. I'd send him links to my poetry and to this blog. Honestly though, he would have already read them seconds after I posted them. He encouraged me in so many ways, including pushing me to go to my daughters school when they invited me to go read my poetry. He knew that I did not like to leave the house but believed the experience would be great for me. Not to mention the fact that my daughter was so proud of me and wanted to show me off. He always wanted to see me reach my potential..
He honestly loves me like no one has ever before. Not only did he fly across the country to meet me, he went home a few weeks later only to return again when I told him how very much I missed him. He unofficially moved those 3,000 miles from California to Massachusetts at that point.
He lived with me and my 2 kids there for several years before we decided to come back west so he could be close to his own family. Before he met me he took an early retirement and hadn't worked since losing his wife 6 years before. Now he works full time, on his feet and in great pain so that we can afford to live and I can stay home. I often beat myself up over my inability to work in part to my anxiety and depression but also because of physical issues. Yet, he does not get upset. He is glad that I am home. He understands my depression and anxiety the best he can. Even though he doesn't know what its like to have it, he never questions or judges me for it.
Still, he does lovingly push me to do better, be better and get out of the house. Not for his benefit but for my own. He took on my 2 kids as his own, never once questioning why he was helping to care for them financially or physically. He has a very good relationship with both of my kids.
Jesse gives me everything. He makes me feel adored, loved, safe and protected. As for the less important things like possessions, I don't ask for much....Just the day to day things and some music and books. He wants, even encourages me, to buy things that he knows I secretly desire even when he needs simple things more. When he buys himself something new like earphones that are like mine, he trades me for my older ones because he says that I use them more and he wants me to have the best.
Many of the ways he shows me he loves me are unspoken and done without thought. When he is sleeping he reaches out for me and takes me in his arms. It feels amazing to know I am always on his mind. I find him looking over at me with a great big smile on his face. He tells me he thinks I am beautiful several times a day and that he loves me. But not just like most people say it, but with real intent. He reads every word I write, encourages me to continue putting my words on paper and thinks I am talented.
Jesse is not a jealous man but likes to show me off. Maybe because of the age difference, I don't know, but he seems to be proud to be with me...It's something I struggle with as my self esteem is low but he's helped to build me up. He seems even prouder to tell people about me. No, not "just" a "mom" or someone who "stays home" but a poet, a writer and on and on.
He doesn't care that I am not perfect, body or personality. He finds me beautiful just the way I am. He thinks I am funny. We laugh a lot. I can play jokes on him like painting his toe nails or putting silly make up on his face while he's asleep and he never gets mad.
He loves to fish, read, to listen to music and to work on the house. Yet, he will stop everything he is doing just to fix something for me even when I don't ask...And if he knows something is important to me he will make sure he makes time for it.
I enjoy taking care of him too...I like that he needs me~to make his lunch for work or to rub his feet after a long night at the job.
I love his eyes. They are the darkest brown I've ever seen...and the way he smells. I love the feeling I get when he is close to me. Dizzy, warm...I love that when he gets annoyed with me at times (and who wouldn't) he simply stops what he's doing or whatever I am interupting and gives me time to get out whatever I am going on about. I love that when he's watching baseball or football he wants me to see a play and will rewind the t.v. just so I can see it with him. I love that we can talk to each other openly about everything and anything, including his beloved wife who passed and my marriage.
We are far from perfect of course. We disagree at times. When I really make him mad he will go off into the bedroom and ignore me until he feels better. He's ignored me for almost a day. That hurts me but not as much as how I've been treated by others in my past when I've upset them. He never swears at or hits me. He doesn't talk down to me like a child, even when I am acting like one. He doesn't get annoyed with me when I don't understand something but instead patiently teaches me. He is very smart. His knowledge of history and other subjects amazes me. And I love when he talks in Spanish. Even though I don't always know what he's saying, I can tell if its not good. I love his voice. When we are watching a t.v. show or movie that has spanish in it, even though the translation is on the screen, he tells me what is going on in the conversation.
I love how he loves his family. He adores them and talks about them often. He is very close with his sister. He brags about his daughters and Grandkids. We spend a lot of time with them. It makes me happy to see him happy. It makes me feel great to witness how much they love him.
I love that he was in the Army, serving his country. He admits that he was not a perfect kid, he made mistakes but decided it was time to change and did so...And now look at him. I am the luckiest woman to have met him and to get to spend my life with him. I hope I can make him feel the same.
Our relationship was complicated because of the 3,000 miles between us but other than that it was so very easy and simple. We'd listen to music and watch movies on line together. Sometimes I would just sit and watch him get his fishing equipment together for his trip the next day. He'd watch me watching television or cooking dinner for the kids. I'd send him links to my poetry and to this blog. Honestly though, he would have already read them seconds after I posted them. He encouraged me in so many ways, including pushing me to go to my daughters school when they invited me to go read my poetry. He knew that I did not like to leave the house but believed the experience would be great for me. Not to mention the fact that my daughter was so proud of me and wanted to show me off. He always wanted to see me reach my potential..
He honestly loves me like no one has ever before. Not only did he fly across the country to meet me, he went home a few weeks later only to return again when I told him how very much I missed him. He unofficially moved those 3,000 miles from California to Massachusetts at that point.
He lived with me and my 2 kids there for several years before we decided to come back west so he could be close to his own family. Before he met me he took an early retirement and hadn't worked since losing his wife 6 years before. Now he works full time, on his feet and in great pain so that we can afford to live and I can stay home. I often beat myself up over my inability to work in part to my anxiety and depression but also because of physical issues. Yet, he does not get upset. He is glad that I am home. He understands my depression and anxiety the best he can. Even though he doesn't know what its like to have it, he never questions or judges me for it.
Still, he does lovingly push me to do better, be better and get out of the house. Not for his benefit but for my own. He took on my 2 kids as his own, never once questioning why he was helping to care for them financially or physically. He has a very good relationship with both of my kids.
Jesse gives me everything. He makes me feel adored, loved, safe and protected. As for the less important things like possessions, I don't ask for much....Just the day to day things and some music and books. He wants, even encourages me, to buy things that he knows I secretly desire even when he needs simple things more. When he buys himself something new like earphones that are like mine, he trades me for my older ones because he says that I use them more and he wants me to have the best.
Many of the ways he shows me he loves me are unspoken and done without thought. When he is sleeping he reaches out for me and takes me in his arms. It feels amazing to know I am always on his mind. I find him looking over at me with a great big smile on his face. He tells me he thinks I am beautiful several times a day and that he loves me. But not just like most people say it, but with real intent. He reads every word I write, encourages me to continue putting my words on paper and thinks I am talented.
Jesse is not a jealous man but likes to show me off. Maybe because of the age difference, I don't know, but he seems to be proud to be with me...It's something I struggle with as my self esteem is low but he's helped to build me up. He seems even prouder to tell people about me. No, not "just" a "mom" or someone who "stays home" but a poet, a writer and on and on.
He doesn't care that I am not perfect, body or personality. He finds me beautiful just the way I am. He thinks I am funny. We laugh a lot. I can play jokes on him like painting his toe nails or putting silly make up on his face while he's asleep and he never gets mad.
He loves to fish, read, to listen to music and to work on the house. Yet, he will stop everything he is doing just to fix something for me even when I don't ask...And if he knows something is important to me he will make sure he makes time for it.
I enjoy taking care of him too...I like that he needs me~to make his lunch for work or to rub his feet after a long night at the job.
I love his eyes. They are the darkest brown I've ever seen...and the way he smells. I love the feeling I get when he is close to me. Dizzy, warm...I love that when he gets annoyed with me at times (and who wouldn't) he simply stops what he's doing or whatever I am interupting and gives me time to get out whatever I am going on about. I love that when he's watching baseball or football he wants me to see a play and will rewind the t.v. just so I can see it with him. I love that we can talk to each other openly about everything and anything, including his beloved wife who passed and my marriage.
We are far from perfect of course. We disagree at times. When I really make him mad he will go off into the bedroom and ignore me until he feels better. He's ignored me for almost a day. That hurts me but not as much as how I've been treated by others in my past when I've upset them. He never swears at or hits me. He doesn't talk down to me like a child, even when I am acting like one. He doesn't get annoyed with me when I don't understand something but instead patiently teaches me. He is very smart. His knowledge of history and other subjects amazes me. And I love when he talks in Spanish. Even though I don't always know what he's saying, I can tell if its not good. I love his voice. When we are watching a t.v. show or movie that has spanish in it, even though the translation is on the screen, he tells me what is going on in the conversation.
I love how he loves his family. He adores them and talks about them often. He is very close with his sister. He brags about his daughters and Grandkids. We spend a lot of time with them. It makes me happy to see him happy. It makes me feel great to witness how much they love him.
I love that he was in the Army, serving his country. He admits that he was not a perfect kid, he made mistakes but decided it was time to change and did so...And now look at him. I am the luckiest woman to have met him and to get to spend my life with him. I hope I can make him feel the same.
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