No One Will Listen

No One Will Listen
30/30 Challenge Day 1


I am laying on a hospital bed being wheeled down to the Operating Room.
I can still feel the wet kisses on my cheeks from my 2 beautiful,smiling kids
and their words are at my ears like butterflies."We love you, Mom".
Within seconds the nurses are busy around me, they take my name, date of birth...
My religious affiliation.
They check my plastic wristband and compare information.
Then the anesthesia tech is there...
Smiling at me through her scrubs,
she tells me through a soft voice to relax as she takes a needle and injects darkness into my veins.
I struggle against the lull and invitation of the thick, unwavering cloud.
The sting of my eyes and the intrusion of sleep
begins to take hold of me.
The surgeon is counting backwards from 10
but at 9 I am already swirling away.
At 8 I am pleading
"Please, Don't let me die!" 
But no one will listen...
7~
Maybe my lips aren't moving?
I try again to make noise,"Please, I don't want to die!
I have 2 kids.
They have no one if I die."
At 6 I am sliding under the depths of blackness.
Going  into a box of darkness.
It feels so much like what a coffin would feel like.
Or is it real?
At 5 I am gone but the thoughts remain...
Did they slip with the knife and cut my throat?
Did they lose my heartbeat in the chaos of all this beeping?
I can no longer feel my body.
Like a thought caught in the net of a brain
I struggle.
Now it's silent.
No beeping.
No nurses or doctor talking.
Their voices have melted and slipped like loose papers into the dark night.
I am paralyzed everywhere.
A body-less soul...
My thoughts are all that remains
until even they are gone.
Black nothingness and death. 
Then suddenly I hear my name.
A voice coaxing me out of the dirt
and the death my mind made my own.
Tears are slipping down my face into my ears.
I can feel every cold one.
The pain of my throat 
and the new incisions on my neck are real.
Hours have passed
and I am alive.
I am still here for my children!
They are not orphans!
The relief sets in like a warm blanket
and as the clouds lift from my brain my tears turn from salty,fearful streams
 to joyous thick tears of gratefulness.
Someone listened!
I am alive!


Stacy J Roosa



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