~Cutting Out The World Inside~

Just look at her,
she has it all.
Every outfit is new and stylish.
Her hair always styled, her nails done and her face finished with only the best make up.
She drives a new car and her phone is no older than the newest version.
She wants for nothing materialistic.
She works hard to have every object she owns
and what she doesn't have she gets from men who "love" her.
She shows no wrinkle, no ugliness on her skin.
Even her plump smile is bought and paid for...
Other body parts were made to order too.
And the hours of day she spends at the gym will never be enough
for what she expects from herself.
But the world inside her is anything but perfect.
The mess that is in her head
and the feeling of being broken
haunts her.
Its why she fights the ugliness and age-
She feels she has to coif, lift, make up and hold it tightly together
for the world out here to see...
She will not allow her body or face to betray the hard work she does
to keep her secret inside.
Her soul is anything but happy.
Her heart and her mind is anything but beautiful.
She hides the ugly scars and devours the pain with food
then throws it all up.
She drowns her loneliness with a mixture of sweet wine and prescription pills.
The company she keeps is made up of men
and "friends" too shallow or selfish to see beyond her surface.
She is not a fool...
She chooses her "friends" well and pushes away anyone who dares to see through the facade.
She cannot deny the pain when she finally comes home.
She cries when the night crowds in.
After the alcohol and pills have failed her she takes a knife to her skin--
She relieves some of the pain through slices on her skin and blood.
You won't see the scars because she cuts where she can hide them.
This pain is something  she feels she can finally control.
She hides inside the safety of her room drinking, feeding and cutting away the pain
but by Monday morning at 8 she is what you need her to be.
Made up, dressed and smiling beautifully...
Her body an almost perfect dam
holding in all the mess that is bursting to spill out.

~Stacy J. Roosa

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