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Showing posts from September, 2014

~ Growing In the Dark~

30-something springs  yet she wasn't growing anymore. Too many pounding storms and too much rain had stunted her growth. ~Left her feeling ugly and alone. She reached out for any light in that deep, unrelenting darkness, just to feel some warmth... When his light shone on her one day she thought she found her Sun. She stretched into his embrace and hope grew at her seed. Just as she began to blossom in his presence, he disappeared behind the clouds. He was gone as quickly as he came... He was not real~ A sunlamp maybe, a reflection of her hope for sure. Like all others, he left her struggling in the dark and shivering to her roots. She hated her stupid heart. The darkness was easier to take now that she knew she deserved it. Yet it was in that blackest black that she found her own strength. It wasn't lent by the forces from the outside world but grew from within herself. She held herself against the showers of the rain and pushed up from the colde...

~ I Wish You Love ~

There's a sadness in him that neither his even voice  nor carefully chosen words will give away. Yet his eyes and silence betray him often. There is great melancholy in his smile~ A flatness to his lips where I wonder if true love has ever kissed him.  There's a love song beneath his rough and sharp edges. Words and music that when aroused by love will make his lips curve  all the way up to his eyes so that the glow of love may shine through. A song that will awaken and rock his heart  and bring out everything beautiful in him that has been hidden.. I am nothing to him. ...An observer really. I am but a woman who wishes to see love's smile blossom on his face and to hear his laughter come from his belly. I have no power or want to encite his love. Yet, I desire his happiness~ For him to deeply give and get love~ more than he'll ever know. © 2014 Stacy J French (Roosa) (All rights reserved)

~Beautiful Night~

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I sit quietly watching the dark, fuzzy shadows of the tree's leaves shivering on the grass below my feet. I watch for the flickering of the sun's light to appear between their jittering bodies as I wait for the sun to finally tuck itself into the mountains so I can hide once again from its burning fingers. The wind is the only relief... It swoops in off the lake and caresses me while driving the trees mad, fluttering and bowing their branches. The smells of the warm summer day and today's catches from the lake are caught in the winds tail. Yet before I can almost smell the fragrance, it's gone again. A butterfly catches my eye as it flutters against the strong breath of air. ...It's orange and brown decorated wings bending and flittering with all its might. It's gaining on the wind and making slow progress to its destination. I think as I watch it how we all have some kind of force against us in this world as I see the beautiful yet simple...

~ I Love The Way He Loves Me~

I've always wanted the love of a man like him.  A man who, to spite seeing all the gorgeous woman who surround him, finds me more beautiful. A man who, in all the things he could be doing on his day off, simply wants to hold me and look into my eyes. I've never known what its like to be adored before him. Now that I feel it, I have to admit that it's the one thing, other than my amazing kids, that keeps me able to hold my head up. When he says "Good night beautiful" I know he's not just referring to the "beauty" he thinks I carry on the outside but also the me I show only him inside of me.  It's as if all this self doubt was measured and he was sent to me to remind me that I am more than my bad experiences and what I see in the mirror. But I am afraid I am going to lose his love.  ....That I may screw it up on some sub-conscious level because I don't believe I truly deserve it.  Only then when I am alone will I feel that I have what I dese...

~I Am The Face Of Depression~

Trying to explain depression to someone who doesn't have it is difficult. I am not sure if any two people suffer from it in the same way.I imagine since we each take things in differently, depression is as different as we each are from one another. I only know what I feel...Let me try to paint a picture... I started a new depression medication a few months ago. It's one I tried after the birth of my kids but it didn't work very well back 15 years ago. For some reason it seems to work okay now. Maybe because my depression this time is so deep and dark that anything is better in comparison. I will be the first to admit that I am not very good at staying on my depression medications. I start them with such hope, take them as prescribed for months but then either lack of money, a missed doctors appointment to get a refill for them or my brain makes me stop taking them.  The first two reasons are difficult enough but the third one is the toughest. I start to believe that ...

~ You Left Behind The Best Part Of Me~

You once had all of this heart. It was overflowing with such love for you that not even your leaving could stop it's flow. I imagined so often holding you in these arms that they grew tired with the thought. In my mind I've kissed you and whispered of my love a thousand times.. . These lips, these eyes and these ears were all yours to have~ They each strained to be kissed by your love. My thoughts were full of you and my voice wanted so badly to call your name but when I did and you weren't there, it went silent. You once had this woman fighting her own pain to love one more time, to battle the fears of loving and falling all over again. The hope I felt for us was like a dandelion seed on the wind allowing you to pull and toss me anywhere just to finally touch your skin and feel love back from you. You once had all the best of me yet you couldn't see it~ I didn't have a place in your world and certainly no corner of your heart. You took m...

~I Am Tired~

Tired of constantly feeding this hunger only to be empty and longing all over again. ...Of trying to sleep only to have the tiredness drag me down as soon as I wake. Tired of carving these words unto the paper and into my soul in desperation to leave them for good only to feel them reappear stronger with a selfish need to be heard and read again . I am exhausted by my need to hear your voice, to feel your touch on my skin and taste your love on my lips only to be lonely in the end. I want to just be~ To ride free on the wind with no hope in my soul or love in my heart. © 2014 Stacy J French (Roosa) (All rights reserved)

My Jesse

I met Jesse several years ago on facebook.  He had posted a status about the sudden loss of wife several years before and how difficult it was on him. I reached out to him to send my condolences as I had lost my Mom around the same time. We formed a quick friendship and soon we were spending many hours on line messaging each other through facebook and Skype.   Our relationship was complicated because of the 3,000 miles between us but other than that it was so very easy and simple. We'd listen to music and watch movies on line together. Sometimes I would just sit and watch him get his fishing equipment together for his trip the next day. He'd watch me watching television or cooking dinner for the kids.  I'd send him links to my poetry and to this blog. Honestly though, he would have already read them seconds after I posted them. He encouraged me in so many ways, including pushing me to go to my daughters school when they invited me to go read my poetry. He knew that I d...

~ I Moved On~

There were so many words unspoken that laid somewhere between my heart and your ears. They would wing like mad  when they heard your voice. They would take flight up to my throat but I kept swallowing them back down. I have been caging them  since I realized  there was no tomorrow  for you and me. And with it,  Hope gave in and took it's last breath. All gone, forever to be a memory, my love for you died of a broken heart. ~Stacy J. French © 2014 Stacy J French (Roosa) (All rights reserved)