Moving

I've moved several times since I left home but until now it was only to the next town. Now my fiancee, my 2 kids and I are moving to California.

 I am scared as hell.

 Irony= A woman who can hardly leave the house to go to the grocery store is going to travel 3,000 miles to go to a place I've never been.

 Was that my head I heard exploding? Seriously! I am either dreaming or I really do love Jesse. Yeah, its the 2nd one.

 So, in 2 weeks we will pack up what can fit in our car (unless we get the money to also rent a moving trailer) and going the long drive west. I am looking forward to seeing the country, to living in a climate where you can visit snow but do NOT have to tredge through it daily. I am looking forward to meeting Jesse's very big, loving family (and I am frightened that they won't like me). I am looking forward to a new life because no one here has really given me a chance.

 I am scared that our car will break down, that we will run out of money or that once there, the kids will hate it.

 But I know that with time, they will meet and make friends and I will have the ability, with a clear mind, to write my book.

 I just hope that all the signs that were pointing to and pushing us toward California were real and that God is looking out for me. I will be honest, I had lost faith when my 57 year old Mother died. How could He take the most loving and beautiful person and leave us all so lonely and scared? But I know that every life has an end. I need to get to a place in my life where I can take care of my health or I too will die in my 50's.

 I've had so much support from friends and, on occasion I've had "friends" who were trying to scare me out of this move. Hey, if I get there and hate it I guess I'll have to figure it out. Just because something there doesn't work out it doesn't mean I'd come "home".  I need to find a good balance of self dependability and trusting Jesse....Not more of one than another. 

 So, we are moving and we need all the help/prayers and positive thoughts we can get. I am determined to make it work and to be happy.

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