~Pushing back~
Over a year ago I mentioned to my local volunteer fire department that I wanted to create a page on face book to pay tribute to our volunteer fire and EMS workers. My suggestion was met with eager excitement. I couldn't do it fast enough because people were asking me when I would put it up. As it was back before face book made it simple to create groups it took time to get going...Lots of time editing, adding pictures, descriptions, inviting people etc. It took hours and days and weeks but it was worth it to me. I did it for several reasons...One because it was a fire department in the town where I was born and grew up. Some of the people there were classmates, peers and such..Two because my husband was a member, I wanted to support him in a way I was able to. And finally, I did it because I've had several firemen in my family. They were brave men who fought everyday to save lives. After creating the page, adding pics and descriptions I also added the main people of the department as administrators to have control over posts and input. Then I invited everyone I knew whether they were in my hometown or across the world. After all, it was to pay tribute to all volunteers and paid emergency workers. We all know people who do this kind of work daily. After a short while it took off. At first I was alone in posting all invites to the money-raising events, block parties, etc and then after awhile other administrators were taking the reins posting news about emergencies and other things. I was proud of our volunteers and happy about the page.
A few weeks ago I went onto the page to see what was going on as I often do. Even though my husband and I are divorcing and I've had to move from the small town I grew up in, the volunteer fire department page was still near and dear to my heart. I was proud to see people still posting pictures and news as well as thanking the women and men who do the volunteering. One thing was new though...I was no longer an administrator or listed as the creator. Weird. I asked a few of the other people I had made administrators to ask them what had happened. Each of the people I asked said absolutely not, they didn't do it and stated why would they? Finally one guy (not my hubby) admitted to removing me as the creator/administrator. He said that he thought he was doing me a favor by removing me so I wouldn't be "bothered" by notifications. Hmmmm.....I don't remember neither complaining about being bothered nor feeling such way. I was still getting emails about the group, invite requests and so on. I assured him that I was fine with the notices and asked him to return me to my place as an administrator. I did remember my ex saying once that one person was worried I might try to write mean things on the page because of the "state" of our marriage. We get along fine anyway but whether we do or not, I am an adult. Being separated from my husband would not lead me to writing anything rude or unneeded on the wall. Yet anyone could see that was true since I've never done anything like that. The guy who removed me told me he would add me back but would have to wait until he was at a computer because he was unable to get to the group through his phone. O.k. I said. No problem.
Weeks have gone by. This guy has posted several things on his wall yet has not reinstated me to my administrative position. I start to get upset. I honestly feel used and angry and very very unappreciated. After some time I realize that its not worth all my time and energy. I write a post to the wall of the volunteer page stating that while being removed as administrator upset me at first I was simply going to let it go because I created the page to pay tribute to emergency workers and for a place for the volunteers to post their news, etc. I stated that since I had succeeded in doing what I set out to do so I was happy. I signed off by saying that I thought each and every one of the volunteers were brave, that I hoped their group continued strong and asked anyone who joined as a friend to me NOT to take themselves off the page as a member because that would go against the very reason I started the page. It would mean several hundred losses in members. I sat there for a long time trying to decide if I should post my message because I didn't want to offend anyone. I simply wanted to let everyone know that I am still in the group but no longer credited with being the creator. After a long time of thinking it over I posted it.
This morning I came back on face book. I didn't know what to expect. Maybe a comment or two about how the group was about something bigger than one person...which of course I agreed with and was the reason why I gave up my fight....But instead I found my post deleted. One of the very people I made an administrator deleted both me and my post. Nice huh?
So I start thinking. Fuming. I realize I don't want to be part of a group that would do such a thing to their very creator yet I am also feeling a mix of hurt and anger. A friend who had once dated a guy on the fire department shares that she was taken off the page when they split up too. Then another person tells me a story alike to the first. I have an angel on one shoulder telling me to let it go and the devil on the other trying to convince me that I should report the group, etc. No, the devil doesn't win. It NEVER does. As usual I decide to be the bigger person. Yet I also decide that I have a right to my voice and there is only one place where no one, not even the very unappreciative people from that group, can silence me. I don't write this to hurt them but to grow from my own mistake as a honest, trusting person.
I am writing this to teach others not to easily give away their trust and name while also to complain about how a group of people, or one person on behalf of the group-did me and others wrong but I also I write to have a damn backbone. I am no longer going to be the weaker person and let people walk all over me. No one may read this or hundreds may share it. Its really for me to get out my hurt at a group of people that I never asked for thanks from but didn't expect to be misused. Now that I have said my peace its time to move on. I welcome any advice on how to do that. I've had several people tell me to do mean and naughty things but, no, I am not doing anything bad. I just want to know how to let go of the overly- ignorant, rude and ungrateful people in this world and begin to finally own my own emotions.
As I said in my face book post, "Sometimes even when you know you are in the right to your very core, the time, stress and energy wasted trying to prove it isn't worth it. Know it in your heart and let the wrong-doers find their own way. They don't deserve to have control over your emotions or your day."
Taking my own advice and moving on now. Let kharma and God do their thing. They always do!
A few weeks ago I went onto the page to see what was going on as I often do. Even though my husband and I are divorcing and I've had to move from the small town I grew up in, the volunteer fire department page was still near and dear to my heart. I was proud to see people still posting pictures and news as well as thanking the women and men who do the volunteering. One thing was new though...I was no longer an administrator or listed as the creator. Weird. I asked a few of the other people I had made administrators to ask them what had happened. Each of the people I asked said absolutely not, they didn't do it and stated why would they? Finally one guy (not my hubby) admitted to removing me as the creator/administrator. He said that he thought he was doing me a favor by removing me so I wouldn't be "bothered" by notifications. Hmmmm.....I don't remember neither complaining about being bothered nor feeling such way. I was still getting emails about the group, invite requests and so on. I assured him that I was fine with the notices and asked him to return me to my place as an administrator. I did remember my ex saying once that one person was worried I might try to write mean things on the page because of the "state" of our marriage. We get along fine anyway but whether we do or not, I am an adult. Being separated from my husband would not lead me to writing anything rude or unneeded on the wall. Yet anyone could see that was true since I've never done anything like that. The guy who removed me told me he would add me back but would have to wait until he was at a computer because he was unable to get to the group through his phone. O.k. I said. No problem.
Weeks have gone by. This guy has posted several things on his wall yet has not reinstated me to my administrative position. I start to get upset. I honestly feel used and angry and very very unappreciated. After some time I realize that its not worth all my time and energy. I write a post to the wall of the volunteer page stating that while being removed as administrator upset me at first I was simply going to let it go because I created the page to pay tribute to emergency workers and for a place for the volunteers to post their news, etc. I stated that since I had succeeded in doing what I set out to do so I was happy. I signed off by saying that I thought each and every one of the volunteers were brave, that I hoped their group continued strong and asked anyone who joined as a friend to me NOT to take themselves off the page as a member because that would go against the very reason I started the page. It would mean several hundred losses in members. I sat there for a long time trying to decide if I should post my message because I didn't want to offend anyone. I simply wanted to let everyone know that I am still in the group but no longer credited with being the creator. After a long time of thinking it over I posted it.
This morning I came back on face book. I didn't know what to expect. Maybe a comment or two about how the group was about something bigger than one person...which of course I agreed with and was the reason why I gave up my fight....But instead I found my post deleted. One of the very people I made an administrator deleted both me and my post. Nice huh?
So I start thinking. Fuming. I realize I don't want to be part of a group that would do such a thing to their very creator yet I am also feeling a mix of hurt and anger. A friend who had once dated a guy on the fire department shares that she was taken off the page when they split up too. Then another person tells me a story alike to the first. I have an angel on one shoulder telling me to let it go and the devil on the other trying to convince me that I should report the group, etc. No, the devil doesn't win. It NEVER does. As usual I decide to be the bigger person. Yet I also decide that I have a right to my voice and there is only one place where no one, not even the very unappreciative people from that group, can silence me. I don't write this to hurt them but to grow from my own mistake as a honest, trusting person.
I am writing this to teach others not to easily give away their trust and name while also to complain about how a group of people, or one person on behalf of the group-did me and others wrong but I also I write to have a damn backbone. I am no longer going to be the weaker person and let people walk all over me. No one may read this or hundreds may share it. Its really for me to get out my hurt at a group of people that I never asked for thanks from but didn't expect to be misused. Now that I have said my peace its time to move on. I welcome any advice on how to do that. I've had several people tell me to do mean and naughty things but, no, I am not doing anything bad. I just want to know how to let go of the overly- ignorant, rude and ungrateful people in this world and begin to finally own my own emotions.
As I said in my face book post, "Sometimes even when you know you are in the right to your very core, the time, stress and energy wasted trying to prove it isn't worth it. Know it in your heart and let the wrong-doers find their own way. They don't deserve to have control over your emotions or your day."
Taking my own advice and moving on now. Let kharma and God do their thing. They always do!
Comments
Post a Comment
Have something to add?