Then and Now

Reading my poem from not too long ago. So thankful I am in a better place.



~This Is Hell~


I am standing on the ledge of such pain,
such misery....
I can neither pull away or jump in
but can only teeter there like a fool.
Then when I think it can't get any worse
I am suddenly staring at a dark, ugly shape that is my heart's enemy,
it comes at me...
So mean, so big-
It wraps its strong,fat arms around my body in a bone-crushing hug...
Please, let go, I beg....I can't breathe.
I can't inhale or exhale.
All I can do is let the pain envelop
and mold my body to its body.
And my air supply is being sucked out of my lungs by its greedy mouth.
My ribs are breaking,
sticking into my heart
as they splinter
under the pressure...
Then like a kiss
the pain presses my lips...
Its a kiss of poison.
It tastes spoiled and rotten,like hatred I would guess...
...Or maybe like misery.
Then comes the rain as the sky becomes crowded with black clouds.
Big, wet drops of rain hit hard then slither down my body
but do nothing to loosen pain's grip.
Aching, wet and now feeling doom emanating from this monsters lips,
I look around for help.
I need someone, anyone to give me even a breath of hope.
No one is here.
I give in.
I don't know how to hope...
It feels like I am trying to breathe through water when I try to feel it.
I want to simply lay down and die.
Literally die.
Let this pain take my breath,
Allow the misery to suck the life from my soul
and take me to wherever it is that people go
after they escape hell...


July 10, 2011


It just goes to show that things are always changing. No matter how bad life is it will get better :) Here is my new poem:

~August 10th, 2011~
~Today Is The First Day of Our Forever~

Today I will wake onto the morning with Hope and Love
blossoming from my heart, filling up my body
and exploding into my smile and my eyes.
I will make the drive to the airport to pick you up.
Every mile I leave behind me will become the distance finally
between me and my doubt over Love.
A life full of pain and loneliness will end as We begin.
Today will be the last morning we wake up alone 3,000 miles away...
The last time we reach toward the empty space on our beds
that we've dreamed for so long was each other.
Everyday from here on until the day I die
I will touch and hold you with such love and passion
you will never doubt my love or commitment for you.
Today is the day I will never, ever let you go.
I will take you in these arms, kiss your lips
and fall forever in love as I stare into your gorgeous brown eyes.
Today is the day you will know for sure that you will never again be sad or alone
because today and until our last breath I will fill your heart
with such life and pure, honest love
that you will feel my heart speaking and beating in rhythm with yours...
I will be your Love, your life,
and you will be mine.
Today I will run into your arms and never again let you go.
I won't want to wait to take you home,
to our home,
to our world. to live our lives together as one life.
No more reasons to hide yourself Baby...
Our world is your world
and it is mine.
Ours.
What a beautiful word...I want to be part of you-
To be your Heart's reason to beat.
I want to do anything, everything,
to make you happy.
And by loving me, you will make me the happiest woman alive.
It's you and me against the world baby.
So, let go of those protective walls and let me in.
I promise I won't let go or smother you.
We will be so happy, Baby,
Making our world comfortable and peaceful, together.
Tonight is the first night of our life together.
I want to lay down with you in our bed, look into your eyes,
kiss your lips
and never let you go.
I have never felt so free and loved as I do when I am in your arms.
I have never felt so desired or beautiful as you make me feel.
I want you to always look at me the way you do now~
With that look of pride and respect, love and desire.
I want you to remember this day as one of the best
and always remember back to our first kiss,
our first embrace
and our first time making love as a couple,
~Jesse and Stacy~
never to be separated by anything ever again.

~ I love You, Jesse~Forever and back again ~

August 6, 2011 


Time changes everything...Just need to hold on and fight back.



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