Life Through The Eyes of Stacy

If you have read my blog you know that I suffer with anxiety. Often times it has been so crippling that I have gone without leaving my house for weeks, sometimes months, at a time. Agoraphobia is the official term for what I have. When I have gone a day or two without going anywhere, the many symptoms of agoraphobia take over me. Then the time will come when inevitably I am called out, whether because my kids needed me or I needed something from the outside world. Suddenly I am taken over with rapid heartbeat, sweating, dizziness and I can't catch my breath. This  anxiety attack  is what keeps me from going out to begin with because when it happens I lose control over myself, body and mind.  But no matter what you call it,  it's overwhelming, controlling and very scary. It's like every bit of self-esteem and confidence I've ever had goes out of me like the air of a popped balloon. I am happy to say that it has been almost a year since I've allowed my...

Wow,  as I was going through Face Book I came across your profile. Suddenly it occurred to me that I once knew you. I haven't thought about you in a very long time. My memory of you is almost like a misplaced, out of focus snapshot that I come across in the couch cushions while looking for something else. There you were with all the crumbs. I spent a good 5 minutes trying to make sense of who you were. It was like staring at a picture of someone I know that I should recognize and having that general feeling that you were a real a$$ but still not putting a name to the face. The more I stared the more I remembered the person in the image being a jerk..And then Bam! I remember! You were a Jerk!! But I couldn't specifically remember why so that is when I go into my journal to refresh my memory.  You did earn a few pages there. Nothing very interesting though, I promise. A waste of paper now that I've read it...All that I wrote about was about you being arrogant, thoug...

She has yet to let anyone in... Has welcomed them to her world,  gave them her everything but not her heart... Never her heart. She has a way of always keeping them  close enough to feel her love yet never deep within to allow herself to feel theirs . She cries in the night even with their supportive arms around her. She doesn't know that they love her more than she could ever believe. Yet sadly if she did realize she would run straight back into his arms because she feels safer in the tight, choking hold of his abuse than in the wide open, sunshine~flooded space of true Love. Like a fool she hungers for that control he takes from her~ For that abuse because its all that she has known, all she has breathed into her soul for so long. He won't challenge or leave her. He won't ask for her heart. Like the dark she can count on him . But the sunshine she cannot. Why can't she let real love in? The one who loves her...