I cannot Afford Hope

I cannot go there again
to the place where hope lives.
I may just have the strength to climb
but it's the fall I cannot endure.

I have settled here
where the world is cold
yet safe.
No one pushes me to feel
or to be more than I can give.
I don't want to stand out there shivering,
waiting for what may never come
like a fool in the night
...Scared of every
sound and movement.

I know the views are gorgeous
from up there~
breath-taking
and inspiring
but this room is built for me,
by me.
Everything I need is just enough
to keep me waking up every morning....

If I give into this feeling,
if I let my curiosity lead me~
If I let you fill up my soul with hope,
I will be at the mercy of my heart
and the truth that I may not be enough.

I need to be enough.

Then again, the idea of wanting 
to wake up tomorrow,
of feeling those flutters of hope
and tasting life again
is so enticing....

And so it begins...