Life Through The Eyes of Stacy

You are most beautiful when you are vulnerable~ When you are honest with yourself and your heart, you become like a lush and safe strip of land in the vast spread of the deep  and unyielding sea... In those tender moments I see love shining through your eyes and you are real, unclouded by fear of losing your love. You are the most handsome man I've known and I want you to hold me in those true moments  for life. © 2014 Stacy J Roosa (All rights reserved)

Maybe I'm broken or too difficult to love but I find myself in a world that's not mine. A world where I feel like an after thought. ...A whisper no one heard.

1. Can I live in a state, a town, where I feel like hiding away? It's so much bigger, scarier and busier that I am used to. I could fit my home town of Massachusetts 4 times into this one city. 2. Will I ever make friends here? Or will my only connection to this new world be Jesse? I am so lonely. 3. How can I expect Jesse's family to like me when I don't know how to "be"  around them? I know their loss having lost my own Mother. I know how difficult it is to see my own father with a new wife. I feel welcomed but I think I might always feel this "other woman" kind of feeling. 4. When the heck am I going to feel better. It doesn't matter that I chose to have myself weaned off this pain medication, I still have to endure the withdrawal symptoms. Day 16 and the symptoms come, go and then come back with vengance. 5. Is this place, this house where Jesse's niece and family lived for many, many years, ever going to feel like "home" t...

I have never known a Love I couldn't push away.  A Love when pushed too far I have to beg him to stay. I've never known how to fight for me for fear he'll leave. I will always take run to prove my heart he'll deceive. Mines a broken heart or perhaps one that never grew... But with so much loss, I know I'll lose him too. Better to chose the day of our Love's demise than to ever see Goodbye cloud his beautiful eyes. So I push and I push until he has no other way. Because being the one whose given up is so much easier than feeling betrayed. I don't push him, in truth, hoping he will flee... Yet I push and push to see if he wants to be free. I've felt a hundred goodbyes and never knew a man who fought. ..Not for me, for us or for the life together we sought. I've grown so tired of fighting and not getting back any fight... Who doesn't want to know they're loved and needed at the end of the night? Mines a broken heart or perha...

He reaches out to touch me even in slumber... I feel his hand searching, feeling for me. He holds me till morning blossoms. Often at night he dreams... It sounds as if he's crying out for someone. It's not a name or a word I understand just a pained sound in the dark. I wonder with pause if it is me he's reaching for. Is it my name he fights to get out in his sleep? Or is it her~ His love from another time... the Wife he lost. And can I live with being his second choice? ...That I only exist in his world as an after thought... A runner up. Yet I want to give him Love~ To hold him through his pain, his loss... His very loss of her . I've never asked him to put her out of his mind or words because, having lost people too, I know the hole that's left and that our memory of them does not get buried with them. ...Still, I also need love, to be someone's soul mate, the love of their life. I need to be adored because I'm me, becaus...