~Join Me On 2/28 in Wearing Blue for Abuse Survivors!~
I know it's been quite a long time since I've blogged. I have been busy with something that my blog and my experiences have been pointing me toward. On February 28th, 2013 our group's page https://www.facebook.com/insupportofsurvivors and I will be hosting an event called "Wear Blue In Support of Abuse Victims". Here is the direct link to the event: https://www.facebook.com/events/410480625697228/
How did I go from a blog to a page, group and an event? Well, this is how...One day I put out on my face book status that I needed advice about a parenting issue but that I didn't want to "air" it online. I asked that if any parent who was divorced or divorcing could reach out to me in the personal message that I would tell them what I need advice about. Before I knew several people responded but one woman who sent an offer to help ended up becoming a very helpful friend on many subjects. Her name is Jenniffer Chapmon. As we started talking I told her about an issue I was having with my ex~husband and before we knew it we were talking about our childhoods and found we had more in common than we knew.
We were both survivors of abuse over our lives...Jen had a way about her that was strong and confident. She had a way of inspiring and pushing me to believe that I could not only be a survivor of abuse but that I could also thrive and give back..She also helped me to remember that as an abuse victim I was not to blame...These ideas were always with me but Jen helped me to see them as truth...How could I not? She had gone through some horrific things herself too and she led by example. I've always tried through my blog here to work on myself and to believe what my brain knows as truth but my heart would deny...
Just having become friends, Jen and I could have easily parted ways after that first conversation. Yet we didn't. We continued to trust in one another and to share deep and very painful memories. I believe that I can say this honestly and speak for Jen also when I say that a Fb friendship that was born most likely from us both playing Farmville turned quickly to a real friendship over the miles that is real. There is a sense of trust and belief in one another that is difficult to come by usually. I myself found that I could share my story with her without fear of ridicule and that she would come back with understanding and support and her own experiences. That kind of similar experiences and trust is rare. To spite losing so many people who were close to me because of my anxiety, I somehow trusted again. One day I mentioned to her that I would like her to help me write an entry for this blog and she accepted. Then she said "We should make a support group for Facebook!" Within moments the idea for our group was formed. The details and actual page took more time. We quickly decided that our only rule would be that we should treat each other with dignity and respect. That meant no negative or judgmental comments and no one was allowed to share what goes on in the group elsewhere. At first our settings on face book were made so that the group would be "closed" (meaning a person had to ask to join or be asked). This meant that people outside the group could see our members but not what was said. As we added group members we found that their safety, and their anonymity, was just as important. We then changed the setting to "Secret".
Doing that meant that we couldn't share our address or even put out a link to bring people to our group so they could see what we were doing because no one would find our group no matter how hard they tried. We then decided to make a page that would be for abuse victims and supporters. This page would be completely open to the public and would (we hope) educate people who didn't (gratefully) know anything about abuse. The page is also for people who sadly have encountered abuse to reach out to us either through messaging us or through the wall to let us know that they wanted to join our secret group. It wasn't long before people started coming in, leaving positive messages on our wall and sharing their own stories. Many people found the groups existence through our page and would ask to join. It worked out perfectly like a door to our group.
Our group now has a good 40 plus people in it. We are not as worried about numbers as we are about giving support to the group members that are there. Very often a member will tell his or her story on the wall or, making a file, put it in our archives where they can feel free to go back to in order to add more or to edit. We all add pictures, inspiring quotes and the best thing is, we are all here for each other. No one "owns" the group. It just is. Jen and I just make sure the details and the format run smoothly.
Soon we realized that what people are lacking is knowledge about abuse. Now, that may not be a huge deal when it comes to someone who is in a good relationship and has no chance at being abused but I don't know anyone in this world that cannot come across abuse. Its may be in a home between 2 married or dating people, or from a parent toward a child. It can be at school where bullies are making our kids feel like they never want to go back again. It's in the work place, hiding in the shadows, and on and on. It's real, its overwhelming and, often, it can make a very content and happy person feel like they have no hope or way of getting out. Its ignorance and fear that keeps the abusers from being caught and punished very often. Still, if we educate our children, teenagers,adults, teachers, police, and on and on and on, we can stop allowing stigmas and judgments to degrade us further. You know the things people say...They say things like "Why didn't you simply leave him or her when they first starting abusing you?" or "If you were being molested by your father why didn't you just tell?" "How could you allow him or her to hit your kids?" People who haven't gone through such horrific experiences cannot always understand the whys and hows of the situation. Not understanding plus judgment equals a very dark and helpless world. Where can an abused person go for help when even police officers and lawyers,etc. hold judgments and are absent of the knowledge of the truth of abuse? Although we do not want a negative war breaking out on our page, we welcome real and honest questions in order to make someone who hasn't endured abuse to understand more about it.
So, before long we came up with the idea of wearing a color to show support for survivors. We picked a day (February 28, 2013) that had really no special meaning along with the message that we, survivors of abuse, are NOT alone.. Then we started to invite people and then people invited more people and suddenly February 28th has become "Wear Blue" day in a mere 3 weeks time. We have over 1,000 people signed up to wear blue. There are also hundreds of other people who do not or can not go on line all over the world who will also wear blue in support of abuse victims. There are many people in several countries who are supporting our cause. It's exciting!
I know many would say "So what? It's one day and a color but where is the change?" Yes, there are many other days and colors associated with it but we aren't trying to fight them for the attention. We are trying to get more and more attention to all of our causes and, more importantly, to abuse as a whole. Sadly, the truth about abuse and the knowledge that needs to be spread over our country and the world about abuse is not something that people will or can learn over one day. It's a continuing effort. Jenniffer and I have no delusions about what we are doing. We don't think that one event or page will change the world. Still, we do hope that with time, with a yearly event and by working with other groups and people, that we can begin educating people about abuse. Here is the thing, we are not experts, therapists or researchers. We are Survivors. We know what its like to be physically, mentally, sexually and/or verbally abused. We simply want to support other people who deal with what we have. We too need support. We have been so lucky to have met the many wonderful people that we have met in our group and on our page...People who have been through the darkest and scariest things and who, having survived and thrived, have a heart so huge that they are willing to visit those dark places again in their own memory to help others. Imagine...would you go back to the worst day and place you ever visited again? Would you endure your worst nightmare in order to help another human see that there is hope? We don't expect our members to do it but when they reach out their hand to one of us, they do. Please, take a minute or two to visit our site and wear blue on 2/28. To a regular person they won't know that you are wearing blue except for the reason that you chose it like any color for any day. Yet for an abuse survivor, seeing you in blue will make so much of a difference. That act will fill up their heart with hope, love and the feeling, finally, that they are NOT ALONE!
Love and hugs <3
How did I go from a blog to a page, group and an event? Well, this is how...One day I put out on my face book status that I needed advice about a parenting issue but that I didn't want to "air" it online. I asked that if any parent who was divorced or divorcing could reach out to me in the personal message that I would tell them what I need advice about. Before I knew several people responded but one woman who sent an offer to help ended up becoming a very helpful friend on many subjects. Her name is Jenniffer Chapmon. As we started talking I told her about an issue I was having with my ex~husband and before we knew it we were talking about our childhoods and found we had more in common than we knew.
We were both survivors of abuse over our lives...Jen had a way about her that was strong and confident. She had a way of inspiring and pushing me to believe that I could not only be a survivor of abuse but that I could also thrive and give back..She also helped me to remember that as an abuse victim I was not to blame...These ideas were always with me but Jen helped me to see them as truth...How could I not? She had gone through some horrific things herself too and she led by example. I've always tried through my blog here to work on myself and to believe what my brain knows as truth but my heart would deny...
Just having become friends, Jen and I could have easily parted ways after that first conversation. Yet we didn't. We continued to trust in one another and to share deep and very painful memories. I believe that I can say this honestly and speak for Jen also when I say that a Fb friendship that was born most likely from us both playing Farmville turned quickly to a real friendship over the miles that is real. There is a sense of trust and belief in one another that is difficult to come by usually. I myself found that I could share my story with her without fear of ridicule and that she would come back with understanding and support and her own experiences. That kind of similar experiences and trust is rare. To spite losing so many people who were close to me because of my anxiety, I somehow trusted again. One day I mentioned to her that I would like her to help me write an entry for this blog and she accepted. Then she said "We should make a support group for Facebook!" Within moments the idea for our group was formed. The details and actual page took more time. We quickly decided that our only rule would be that we should treat each other with dignity and respect. That meant no negative or judgmental comments and no one was allowed to share what goes on in the group elsewhere. At first our settings on face book were made so that the group would be "closed" (meaning a person had to ask to join or be asked). This meant that people outside the group could see our members but not what was said. As we added group members we found that their safety, and their anonymity, was just as important. We then changed the setting to "Secret".
Doing that meant that we couldn't share our address or even put out a link to bring people to our group so they could see what we were doing because no one would find our group no matter how hard they tried. We then decided to make a page that would be for abuse victims and supporters. This page would be completely open to the public and would (we hope) educate people who didn't (gratefully) know anything about abuse. The page is also for people who sadly have encountered abuse to reach out to us either through messaging us or through the wall to let us know that they wanted to join our secret group. It wasn't long before people started coming in, leaving positive messages on our wall and sharing their own stories. Many people found the groups existence through our page and would ask to join. It worked out perfectly like a door to our group.
Our group now has a good 40 plus people in it. We are not as worried about numbers as we are about giving support to the group members that are there. Very often a member will tell his or her story on the wall or, making a file, put it in our archives where they can feel free to go back to in order to add more or to edit. We all add pictures, inspiring quotes and the best thing is, we are all here for each other. No one "owns" the group. It just is. Jen and I just make sure the details and the format run smoothly.
Soon we realized that what people are lacking is knowledge about abuse. Now, that may not be a huge deal when it comes to someone who is in a good relationship and has no chance at being abused but I don't know anyone in this world that cannot come across abuse. Its may be in a home between 2 married or dating people, or from a parent toward a child. It can be at school where bullies are making our kids feel like they never want to go back again. It's in the work place, hiding in the shadows, and on and on. It's real, its overwhelming and, often, it can make a very content and happy person feel like they have no hope or way of getting out. Its ignorance and fear that keeps the abusers from being caught and punished very often. Still, if we educate our children, teenagers,adults, teachers, police, and on and on and on, we can stop allowing stigmas and judgments to degrade us further. You know the things people say...They say things like "Why didn't you simply leave him or her when they first starting abusing you?" or "If you were being molested by your father why didn't you just tell?" "How could you allow him or her to hit your kids?" People who haven't gone through such horrific experiences cannot always understand the whys and hows of the situation. Not understanding plus judgment equals a very dark and helpless world. Where can an abused person go for help when even police officers and lawyers,etc. hold judgments and are absent of the knowledge of the truth of abuse? Although we do not want a negative war breaking out on our page, we welcome real and honest questions in order to make someone who hasn't endured abuse to understand more about it.
So, before long we came up with the idea of wearing a color to show support for survivors. We picked a day (February 28, 2013) that had really no special meaning along with the message that we, survivors of abuse, are NOT alone.. Then we started to invite people and then people invited more people and suddenly February 28th has become "Wear Blue" day in a mere 3 weeks time. We have over 1,000 people signed up to wear blue. There are also hundreds of other people who do not or can not go on line all over the world who will also wear blue in support of abuse victims. There are many people in several countries who are supporting our cause. It's exciting!
I know many would say "So what? It's one day and a color but where is the change?" Yes, there are many other days and colors associated with it but we aren't trying to fight them for the attention. We are trying to get more and more attention to all of our causes and, more importantly, to abuse as a whole. Sadly, the truth about abuse and the knowledge that needs to be spread over our country and the world about abuse is not something that people will or can learn over one day. It's a continuing effort. Jenniffer and I have no delusions about what we are doing. We don't think that one event or page will change the world. Still, we do hope that with time, with a yearly event and by working with other groups and people, that we can begin educating people about abuse. Here is the thing, we are not experts, therapists or researchers. We are Survivors. We know what its like to be physically, mentally, sexually and/or verbally abused. We simply want to support other people who deal with what we have. We too need support. We have been so lucky to have met the many wonderful people that we have met in our group and on our page...People who have been through the darkest and scariest things and who, having survived and thrived, have a heart so huge that they are willing to visit those dark places again in their own memory to help others. Imagine...would you go back to the worst day and place you ever visited again? Would you endure your worst nightmare in order to help another human see that there is hope? We don't expect our members to do it but when they reach out their hand to one of us, they do. Please, take a minute or two to visit our site and wear blue on 2/28. To a regular person they won't know that you are wearing blue except for the reason that you chose it like any color for any day. Yet for an abuse survivor, seeing you in blue will make so much of a difference. That act will fill up their heart with hope, love and the feeling, finally, that they are NOT ALONE!
Love and hugs <3
Stacy, I don't think you realize what you have brought to my life that day you posted your question. You are a warm and compassionate person who makes people feel like they want to share their story with you. I know I did and I hadn't talked about my story for many years. I just kept it buried, and you had a way of bringing it out. A lot of the people in our group said they hadn't wanted to or intended to talk about their own stories but somehow they felt "safe" in our group and just wanted to tell their story. This is just what we envisioned! You make me proud to call you my friend, my "sister: from another garden! LOL I am proud to say that my life is better because you are in it, and I am PROUD to say I love you!!
ReplyDeleteJen~I, too, feel so lucky to have met you! To think, we were just Fv friends and then one day it was like a door opened and we realized we had been in the same places, feeling the same emotions over time..Both married 17 years, both having suffered abuse but by different kinds of people in our life and some the same. I just cannot express to you what it means to me to have you in my life~~It's as if you are an angel sent to me by my own Mother who I had just recently prayed to for a friend like you. Seriously, its like our friendship is just meant to be. You are such a loving and giving person who is full of compassion and who can change my defeated mood to one that is ready to conquer all! You inspire me to keep pushing for understanding of what we go through. I thank you so very much for you being you and for calling me your friend. I am proud to be your friend and I love you so much!!
ReplyDeleteThey say people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime, and you my dear Stacy are my LIFETIME!
ReplyDeleteYou literally took the words right out of my mouth Jenniffer! Things happen for a reason and I think someone up there saw me plateuing and saw that you and I could create something to inspire others and they made me ask that question and then you had the thought to answer. Can you imagine...I usually just post my question on line but that one time I didn't because of the question. Then it was like an instant friendship! It did happen for a reason!!
ReplyDelete