Life Through The Eyes of Stacy

I am so proud of anyone who chooses to change their life.. Of course it means more when a person does it because they want to and not just because a court or other person told them they needed to improve themselves. Still, once a person chooses to be a better person the reason why is not important.  And like this says above, the better you are the better the world with be because of you.  I agree with that completely. I never would stand in the way of anyone who was trying to fix their problems... I even welcome and sometimes ask for advice from a person who has succeeded in bettering themselves. It's when they begin to do it that is the tricky part...If they do what they want and need to do to make themselves happy and to feel like a more complete person, and if they are truly happy for doing it (without cheating, faking it or where they measure themselves differently than they would another,  then why do some people feel the need to put judgment on others??...

No matter how many new friends I make I do not feel complete without the friendships from my childhood and on that have helped to build and break me along the way  The people I have met recently are amazing, loving and giving people...Most would do anything for me and I am lucky to have each and everyone of them. I look forward to long, great friendships with them but that is where my hope fails me. My heart is aching because my past and present are like strangers.While I have dozens of people I still know and talk to from the past, I don't have many who I was close to then and am close to now, who just know me for who I have always been. I don't have to explain myself to them. They have memories of a Stacy before my onset of anxiety and depression and they know what to expect of me when I get back on track to getting better.It really is like missing pieces of a puzzle that is my life...What does it mean that my life is absent of a past filled with friendship? How can I be sur...

~Welcome...   Hi world...Or at least the small part of it who reads my words. You've either come here by choice, habit or because you happened to come across the link on my facebook page.No matter how you got here I am so very grateful to have you. Along with my own desire, you give me strength to carve these very words into paper and the hope that my words will matter .   It's been a very busy time lately. I haven't had much time for creativity or a clear enough mind to make sense for my readers of what images have come to me. Although I am not putting pen to paper, or fingers to key board as it is now, my muse is continuously keeping my thoughts in that poetic place...One second I am dusting the house and the next I am watching a spider weave its way across the corner of my bedroom to create a web. Both of us too intent on watching the creation, we don't notice each other..I find I must stop what I am doing to watch this artist do its work and to spite my ...

Over the 38 years of my life I have entrusted and shared my soul and friendship with too many people who have taken what I've given and thrown it out into the abyss of darkness...There are too many people to count for whom I have given myself completely, whether as a friend or more, who acted like what I gave them, what secrets and trust I shared, was worth little more than a broken gift. I am sick and I am tired and I feel like I have nothing left to give. I ache for familiarity and the ease of what trusting someone over a long period of time feels like. I have nothing left inside to give and no way to know how to trust again. While I know I should not live in the past, I should be able to draw happy memories from it and be able to look at the same people in the present who helped get me those moments of happiness...I search and search but there are few people left. The ones who are around I can only talk to via the internet.. Its said we should learn from the past so we don'...

My face book status today: " After I made the very difficult decision to leave my husband and end a 15 year marriage about a year ago, I lost many friends and, it seems, some of my own family's love and respect...I very rarely get even a "hello" e-mail returned to me. I was once told by an aunt how financially crazy it was of me to leave him and that I should beg him to come back to me. No, I said, I chose to be safe physically even if I have to be "poor". And mentally I needed to be free of the roller coaster of emotions. The loss of my family and friends support has hurt worse than the marriage's end and its been burning its way through my heart and stomach lining. Now that its said I feel free. Thank you to the people who have stood by me...You may not have agreed with my decision or even knew the reasons behind them, but you didn't need reasons...You simply loved and supported me without asking for anything in return. You know who you are. ♥...