Life Through The Eyes of Stacy

Of all the thoughtful and wise things you have told me over the years as my Mom,  one thing in particular has helped to carry me through some of the toughest emotional challenges over the past few years. One day you and I were having a discussion about my boyfriend at the time. I was worrying that he didn't seem to understand that I needed more emotional response from him; He would constantly break up with me but then expect me to get back together with him a few days later. He didn't understand why our yo-yo relationship was messing with my self esteem and heart..To me it was simple, if he loved me he would not break up with me over small disagreements~ He would stay and make it work.  You didn't know or understand his problem anymore that I did...If you had I know you would have tried to make me understand him but I think you knew that we were destined to break up. You did me a bigger favor by letting me learn my own lessons. Looking back I realize that the problem was h...

I cannot live without my heart yet I can't live with it. Take it from my chest, finally rip it from its place here. There is nothing that you can say that will fix me or that will make all this damage you've done go away and yet your silence is breaking me bone by friggen bone. How do I breathe this ugly and harsh air inward and somehow you expect me to breathe out something gorgeous? You keep touching me and destroying this soul from the inside out with that thing you call Love. I cannot live without your touch yet these bones and skin cannot endure even one more blow. Stop~ Please quit trying to fix me two seconds after you've broken me apart. I am not your dummy or your fucking toy. No, I cannot live without my heart or my breath and I can no longer live with it because of what you done to it with everything you call love. Stacy J Roosa

For a very long time now I have dealt with anxiety. Not only has it been an affliction that has caused me to doubt myself and my own judgment, but it has affected pretty much every aspect of my life from the way I plan my day to the overprotective way I parent. To say that my anxiety is controlling my life is an understatement yet that is not why I came here to write this time. I actually had 2 things that happened today...break throughs I will call them. While talking to a family member who deals with anxiety too I learned that many of the things I do in my day to day life are normal for someone dealing with this.  I was embarrassed to admit that I put off such important things like getting and taking my medications and visiting my doctor.  Also, we compared notes and were both relieved to learn that we procrastinate about other similar things. It felt good to know that I am not alone in the lengths I will go in order to keep my brain from going into a panic mode.  Is...