I write about my life, depression and my fight to get motivated and healthy on several levels.I hope to grow through my writing and maybe help my readers find their own voice too. I also write about current events and how they affect my view of the world and the people in it.
I am feeling very lonely, scared, unsure of my future and not too sure there will be a future. Whenever I try to "see" past the next few months its all black....I have never felt like that before. No matter how depressed I've been I have had the ability to see hope and a plan for the coming years. I want to get out of my house and my head and go to work but I don't know how to leave the house. I have applied for job after job on line but can't find a way to walk into a place and do the same thing I do on line...Filling out an application...How hard can it be? Then even the possibility of one of those jobs calling me in for a meeting...OMG, it makes my stomach hurt..Just thinking about an interview and then, if I get a job, the training, makes my heart start banging in my chest and my skin start to sweat. I can't breathe... I can't breathe.... I can't figure out anymore how to live. It doesn't even make me sad anymore. It just makes me feel aw...
If Love is a liquid that can fill one's heart fuller and fuller until it overflows then what is hate? Although not the opposite word, it is, at least for me, the opposite emotion... For Love is like warm sunshine sprites and a cool flooding of a waterfall; It is like the sweetest juice and the most sumptuous food while still being free and intangible. Love is the flutter of a butterfly's wings and the halt of the coldest rain and never just one thing but everything all at once. But Hate? It is an illness, the very disease that eats our bones and body. For it empties Hope so slowly but so completely until what's left is not only an empty vessel but an imploded one. Hate is dark space that is not just devoid of light but is dripping with itself, a darkness that is as deep as it is long which echoes for miles. When Love has run dry and Hope goes too all that is left is disdain and the monster that we call Hate. When Love is in question ev...
~I think we all have heard that research has proved that babies feel loved more when a parent gently rubs their back,stomach or massages their arms and legs.To a baby who is put into a NICU (unit for babies born prematurely with breathing and/or other problems), interaction with their parent(s) is vital to their self-esteem, feelings of security and all future intimate relationships. A baby that is not loved, touched,hugged and kissed is most likely to suffer problems interacting through their lives.That is why doctors and nurses especially encourage parents to hug, snuggle or gently rub their babies skin.The human touch for a baby is as important as food; it's nourishment to a growing soul to be touched and to be loved. So why would it be any different to that soul as we become even older? Touch is communication without words. If someone wants to show a friend that they care often the first thing most people want to do is hug them. When people on line want to reach out to another ...
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