Life Through The Eyes of Stacy

When you go through life feeling almost everything that happens around you, it can be very difficult to separate your heart from your mind and what you feel from what you know.  Most thoughts are rooted in emotions when you feel so much.  Your perception of the world and how it views you is influenced by your own self-worth. Perhaps over feeling everything has to do with being abused~ At least for me. Sexually, mentally and physically~ All forms of abuse can eat away at the core of self worth and become so overwhelming that in time it's all one can do to not pick everything apart-even compliments-for some hidden insult. It's exhausting, to say the least, and it can put a lot of distance between yourself and others.  As if you aren't lonely enough in that dark and cold place, you become a victim of your own thoughts, doubts and worries. You feel shame for the abuse because in your heart, you wonder what you did to deserve it, to cause it. Your brain tells you that these...

My Life I wake up and my body aches my back, knee, neck and feet hurt. All the aches and pains can be difficult to bear This life I live can really suck with all the aches and pains I sometimes feel I want to be a turtle to slink into my shell and hide from the pain to let the world pass me by to not be in pain or hurt in any way I have to work even when I really don't want to so I have money to pay bills, put a roof over my head So I can feed my face to pay for things that are needed My family all live lives of there own sometimes they even remember that I exist A simple call to say hello how you doing it's such a difficult thing My life is not great and wonderful I wish it was better To not have to work or feel the pains to have all the money I need But I don't have all the money I do feel the pain, I have to work I have a screwed up family a family that isn't perfect What I do have is a woman that when I wake up each day she makes my smile She puts a smile on ...

Since we moved to California about a year ago I have fallen into a deeper and darker depression than I've ever known.  It's not just the move itself, as it has its positive points too starting over but it is the sum of losing so many important things. I lost my Mom 5 years ago and not being able to visit her grave site or, more importantly, places we visited together in our hometown is very difficult. Also, my 15 and 17 year old are no longer here with me.  As a Mom who respects her kids, I let them choose to move back East after only a short stay here because they too missed their friends and the familiarity of home.  I've been sick physically and on top of that have only recently been able to get health insurance and begin taking the medications I need for my depression and anxiety...It is all part of who I am now but it is not all that I am. Its just a stumbling block for me.  One I will overcome. It's an awful feeling to be so alone in a place where the o...