Life Through The Eyes of Stacy

Reading my poem from not too long ago. So thankful I am in a better place. ~This Is Hell~ I am standing on the ledge of such pain, such misery.... I can neither pull away or jump in but can only teeter there like a fool. Then when I think it can't get any worse I am suddenly staring at a dark, ugly shape that is my heart's enemy, it comes at me... So mean, so big- It wraps its strong,fat arms around my body in a bone-crushing hug... Please, let go, I beg....I can't breathe. I can't inhale or exhale. All I can do is let the pain envelop and mold my body to its body. And my air supply is being sucked out of my lungs by its greedy mouth. My ribs are breaking, sticking into my heart as they splinter under the pressure... Then like a kiss the pain presses my lips... Its a kiss of poison. It tastes spoiled and rotten,like hatred I would guess... ...Or maybe like misery. Then comes the rain as the sky becomes crowded with black clouds. Big, we...

I have no internet except when I go visit a friend or family member but that is no reason to go silent on my blog. So very much is going on right now. The important people in my life have not left my side even for a moment so its important to me that I don't abandon anyone who may be reading. I have been living alone in the house for a few months now. After Jesse left to go home I fell into one of the deepest, darkest depressions I've ever felt. It was scary the way I was feeling. More frightening than what I was feeling was what I wasn't—I didn't have the will to live. I felt like without Jesse by my side and without my kids with me like they used to be, what am I?   Being evicted from the house, having my electricity always on the edge of being turned off, having no telephone or internet, no food, no money for gas and, for a bit, the car was almost gone too---How could I fight when the hole I was in was just getting deeper by the day? I didn't know what to do, ...