Life Through The Eyes of Stacy

I thought you were the Moon, I placed you up among the stars. I thought if I was good enough I could feel your glow from Mars. But you were not what you pretended- You were merely a reflection in the night. What I found from you was nothing but a fleeting flash of light. I would have followed you through the darkness, I could have danced with you under the trees. I would have given you everything that was shining from within me.  Yet  your light dimmed and wavered in the splinters  of your caress - You left me cold and fractured in the expanse of total darkness.  ~Stacy J. French (Roosa)

I am writing with fear pulsating in my throat and shaking in my fingers. I have been so frightened of my thoughts that I spend most of the day in bed wrapped up in a cocoon of blankets with any mindless show I can find blaring on the t.v. so I don't have to hear my own thoughts. At this very moment I am one word away from going to that place now. Still, I am trying to push through this. I can't see a tomorrow where I will be free from this feeling of doom inside my head.  I don't see any relief from this pain sitting on my heart. Although I know I will have moments of laughter, I doubt I will have any true duration of just being "even".  What I wouldn't do to simply be a woman whose mood is affected by life instead of a shell of myself whose life is affected by my mood and depression. I struggle often with the idea that my existence causes more problems than taking my life would. I'm not sure that the pain of my absence is any worse than what I do to pe...