Life Through The Eyes of Stacy

The home where I grew up and knew for over 30 plus years is going. Its being taken because my father has decided to let it go. Its a bittersweet time now because while I will miss it in so many ways and feel like yet another link to my deceased mother is gone, I also feel like when its not ours to visit any longer we all may feel free of the pain. When we found Mom in the passenger seat of her SUV barely holding onto life that cold day in February in 2008 I recall taking her purse inside and putting it on the table. After all, I thought I would be coming back in the next few hours on Mom's request to get it along with some of her personal items so that her stay at the hospital would be more comfortable. This had happened enough times before--the first time when my Mother was 47 and suffered her first heart attack--so I'd almost come to terms with what the next steps would be after calling an ambulance or bringing her ourself to the E.R. Little did I know as I locked the door...

Kids don't always understand that their bedtime is as important as eating, learning and breathing...for them and for me. I have been a stay-at-home Mom most of their lives except for a few months here and there to work.Just like with most parents I have worried and stressed over them from the minute they were born... I've fretted over everything from their health to their happiness and everything in between.When their hearts get broken mine does too.When they are hungry I give up my food to them.They want to go out with their friends all the time and now in the summertime I either have them under foot or I am begging them to spend time with me.So when night time comes around I just want to sit down, grab a book or write some poetry and actually breathe without any worries of anything.They are in bed so I know that they are about as safe as they can be...But every night since summer started they have wanted to stay up as late as possible.They suddenly want to talk, eat and make...

For almost half of my life I have loved, married and shared parenting duties with one man. When the end came  it was not like turning off a light switch. If it had been both his and my life would certainly have been easier emotionally. Still, real love cannot just be switched off anymore than the memories that intermingled and carried us through those 15 years of marriage. If Love is like a river then marriage, I suppose, would be the ocean...If both people have mutual respect, love and compassion for the other, the sea can fill and, in time, hopefully, over flow with love and bliss. Yet when one or both of the partners pulls back and meanders off course, whether because they are selfish, scared to love or whatever the reason may be, the ocean becomes dangerously low and soon dries up. To say our marriage had stopped flowly and that the ocean was dry is quite of an understatement. On my side of things I felt like I kept forcing my love, shoving all the hope and sweetness and wha...